R5P4D5/48 -- I shall overcome!

November 26, 2012

Round 5 (R5), Phase 4 (P4) Eating What I Want In Moderation, Day 5 (D5) of 48

Well, for someone who Stabilized like a pro (I didn't have 1 correction day in P3), P4 Day 1-3 killed that record-breaking NO correction day.  Yes, it was Thanksgiving and the day after, and the day after that.  Actually, I'm pretty proud that I'm "only" up 5 pounds from LDW after 3 days of Carbo-load.  I think I probably gained 10 pounds before HCG.  The great thing is, I am over-coming.  I lost 2 pounds on Sunday morning, but lack of willpower (eating with reckless abandon, in my life, will make me want to keep eating that way) meant that I ate onion rings AND a Hardees chocolate chip ice cream sandwich AND 2 Lara Bars yesterday.  Yes, I found those 2 pounds again.  AND, I jumped headlong into a vat of fat.  So, I'm correcting today.

Why am I encouraged?  Because I did an about face and am stopping the crazy food frenzy.  I never would have done that before.  I happily (actually, unhappily, because it was so defeating) threw in the (food) towel and kept binge eating.  Lord-willing, NO MORE!  I have stopped myself time and time again, with the Lord's mercy, and, even though I am not 88.8 pounds off today (that's my Last Dosage Weight), or the 90.8 pounds off that I stayed at for a while in P3, I'm still 83.7 pounds off.  And, that's better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Tonight, after a hectic and VERY productive day at work, I plan on going home and eating my correction meal of a T bone steak and a tomato.  Of course, as I type this, I realize, while I cooked it yesterday (knowing I'd have to bite the bullet and correct today), I put it in the freezer.  Yep.  It's frozen.  Well, I'll thaw it out somehow!  And, that's dinner.  Lord-willing, I'll be 3 pounds down tomorrow, and then I'll eat clean (NO carbs, except maybe some fruit), and that other 2.1 pounds will come off within the next week. 

That's the whole point of this.  We all have indulgent days with food.  Some (me), more than others in my life.  But, I don't have to be a slave to that sin in my life anymore.  When I have a "bad food day" -- like I did yesterday, I have the power (thank you Lord, for giving it to me!) to stand up and brush off my dirty, skinned up knees and say, "Today's a new day."  And, it is.  For about 7 more hours.  Then, it will be an old day, because tomorrow will be here.

Okay.  I better stop writing.  Lack of food, lots of water, and a whole heap of work stress have made me batty.

Oh, but before I go.  Here's the whole reason I wrote today.  I got my fasting blood test results back.  Here they are ... for those of you who scoff that this whole thing works, here are my numbers (I'm not bragging, just encouraged).  I hope you aren't color-blind, or you won't be able to see these:

Glucose (between 70-99)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 107
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 102
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 91

Cholesterol (<200)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 199
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 194
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 176
Triglycerides (<150)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 148
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 88
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 56
HDL (>40)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 57
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 62
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 65
LDL (<130)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 112
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 114
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 100
VLDL (10-50)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 30
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 18
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 11
Cholesterol/HDL Ratio (0-4.4)
December 2011 (right after Round 1): 3.5
June 2012 (right after Round 4): 3.1
November 2012 (right after Round 5): 2.7
And, those numbers (even the December 2011) are better than before I started HCG.  Awesome!

R5P3D15/21 -- Steady as she blows!

November 15, 2012

Round 5 (R5), Phase 3 (P3) Proteins, Day (D) 15 of 21

This Round has been a fairly "easy" Round for me, compared with R3 and R4.  I realize now that my personal life (work) stress made it much harder.  At this point, I am settling into this job (thank you for your prayers and support) and taking it for what it is.  And, it's paying off in the weight-loss front.  I am on Day 15 of the Stabilization P3 (proteins only) and, I have not had ONE correction day yet.  I have broken my record (in R1, it was on D12).  In fact, I came off of P2 (of the Very Low Calorie Days) exactly 2 pounds below (yes, BELOW) Last Dosage Weight (LDW).  I was 90.8 pounds down.  In the 15 days on P3, I have vacilated between 2 pounds under LDW -- which in this phase, is as low as I should go -- and 1.5 above.  That's it!  1.5 above.  Wow!  If you remember (and you might not, but forgive me if I'm recapping too much if you do remember), in this 21 days, I'm supposed to stay within 2 pounds (above or below) LDW (that's the weight I weighed the last day I took drops, on October 28) so my body will recognize this weight as my new "high" so if I do eat off of protocol (aka: junk) for a meal or two, my body won't freak out and gain 5 pounds (which is what happens on most other diets).  If you have to correct (like I have in past Rounds), then, you have to start the whole 21 day cycle of P3 from that date ... keeping at 2 pounds above or below for 21 days.  Well, Praise the Lord, I haven't had to correct yet.  As of today, I'm 1.2 above LDW.  And, I'm not frustrated.  I view that as a victory!  The last two Rounds, I was fighting for every ounce to stay off.  This time, because I slowly went into P3, it's been easier to keep it exactly in that 2 pound window.  Amazing.  Following directions works.  Hear that people?  Why do we all make things worse by trying it our own way?

So, I think I'm starting R6 with my loading days being December 30, 31, and January 1.  But, just today, I was informed that I might be traveling on the Corporate Jet (yes, you read that right) with my VP, Group President (he reports to Cat's CEO) and a handful of other people, to 2 facility openings on January 10 - 11.  Well, if I'm traveling on those days, I will use those days (and probably the 9th) to load, and start in P2 the day I get back (Saturday, January 12 -- Jim W's birthday -- hi, Jim & Abbie!).  That means, I'll do a short 21 day Round 6, instead of 30 days.  But, you know what?  This Round seemed easier to handle, and I think it's because I did a 23 day Round.  A short Round is easier to come off of slow and steady, because 21 days is the minimum you must do, and you haven't done it long enough to be batty sick about the food.  So, it's easier to keep eating it, rather than going hog (or I should say, BACON) wild about P3 food.  Which keeps the weight steady.  Which makes me happy.

P4 is right around the corner.  I start it on Thanksgiving, and have already decided I'm going to eat whatever Thanksgiving food I want this year (I had just started my first P3 last year, and didn't eat it).  I'm planning that day of a "break."  Then, I'll be right back on the next few days, and the weight will come off.  I'm bound and determined that, whenever I start R6 (be it January 2 or January 12), I will be in the 2 pound window.  I'd REALLY like to be at the 2 pounds below LDW.  And, this time, I think I can do it! 

2013 is right around the corner.  I will be traveling to Melbourne and Brisbane, Australia, and Singapore (Singapore) and Shanghai, China for 2 weeks in March, so I better be safely in P4 at that point.  It also looks like I'll be traveling to Grimbergen (outside of Brussels), Belgium, and Peterborough and London, England, in August -- all for work, so this coming year, it will be criticial for me not to chase numbers on a scale and see how low I can get, but to MAINTAIN MY LOSSES in P3 and P4.  Yes, that's in caps because I'm yelling that at my cravings that are to come.  That's the key phrase in 2013.  I'm denying myself now so I can keep on losing and keeping it off.  I feel SO much better than I did 13 months ago (come this Saturday), and I'm LOVING doing things like crossing my legs, wearing Cuddle Dud pjs (which I never could fit into before) and wearing fleece, a jacket and a scarf and NOT sweating.  And, although I'll never look like a model (I'm a bit too funny looking for that with my ears that stick out, big schnoz and gummy smile), it is fun to see myself emerging out of some of this fat, and see what God designed me to look like.  He didn't design me to be 140 pounds overweight, that's for sure.  He didn't design me to be 50 pounds overweight (like I am now), so I know I haven't "arrived" at the finish line.

So, in case I don't write again, HAPPY THANKSGIVING (I'm yelling that, because some of you live very far away and I want you to hear me)!  We're about to enter my favoritemakesmesohappyIcouldburstwithjoy season -- Christmas!  Don't tell anyone, but I'm already listening to Christmas music.

R5P2D22/23 - I made it!

October 30, 2012

Round 5, Very Low Calorie Day 22 of 23

This morning, I hit exactly 90 pounds off!  Now, keep you wig on, I stopped taking drops on Sunday, so this is the time when I have to keep eating P2, but the weight off doesn't count.  This weight is below my Last Dosage Weight (LDW) & it probably won't stay off long (this 1.2 pounds down from LDW) once I start eating P3 food.  My plan it to keep cheese and nuts out of my diet for at least a week more, so I should stabilize well.  Lord-willing!

My doc appointment went well on Friday.  He was very excited about my weight loss & talked about my fasting blood test labs from April (I'm scheduled to take another one in the middle of November, once these HCG drops are out of my system).  From October 2011 to April 2012, my cholesterol (which was just starting to creep up there) dropped 40 points in the bad and went up 20 in the good.  My triglycerides are completely in the normal range & my blood sugar dropped from 107 to 101.  Dr. Piers said he normally doesn't see changes in cholesterol like that unless the patient is on medication for it.  So, losing 90 pounds had been good for a lot of reasons!  My blood pressure, which was about 120-130 over 80-90 was 96/64.  My pulse, which used to be around 90 was 56.  I laughed out loud!   Dr. Piers called it (jokingly) "obscene" when he took it an hour after the nurse and my BP went up 95/64.  :-)

That's all for now.

Oh ... in case you wondered, I resisted the meatballs.   

R5P2D18/23 - Dreaming of meatballs

October 26, 2012

Round 5 (R5), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 18/23

I smell meatballs.  At 1:25 on a Friday.  At work.  Meatballs.  I want meatballs.  I am resisting meatballs.  I still want meatballs.  But, I still resist meatballs.

That's what just went through my head.  Real time people, real time.

I have been SURROUNDED by food temptations today.  And, I have resisted.  Why?  Because what is the point of letting food and food cravings be my master?  But, as you can tell from my meatball-related thoughts above, I'm not much of a "need chocolate" kind of girl.  I am, however, a need meatballs kind of girl.

I am currently at exactly 88.5 pounds off, and I have 2 more weigh-ins until my Last Dosage Weight (LDW) day (Sunday).  I'll probably count Monday's weight as my LDW, since I'll take my last drops before bed on Sunday.  I'd love to ink out another 1.5 pounds to be at a "cool" 90 off.  But, 88.5 is within a chin hair of 90 pounds down.  So, who am I to be greedy?

This afternoon, I have a 6 month doctor appointment with my General Practitioner.  I'm not sure how we got on a 6 month cycle instead of the 1 year cycle to renew my prescriptions, but, there it is.  The only reason I'm mentioning this to you is because, I'm excited to go step on that scale and see the difference since the last time I was there in mid-April.  I think it's about 35-40 pounds difference.  Depending on the day I went, of course (which, I don't remember).  6 months ago, I was up to my eyeballs in the new job, freaking out, and R3P2.  This time, Dr. Piers is going to be very surprised at how much I've lost.  He actually told me when I saw him last that in about another 20 pounds, he wanted to take me off of my water retention pills (the only prescrip I can come off of ... the others are for allergies, asthma and my hormones after my hysterectomy ... and I'm not stopping those).  He thought I "had a good chance" to be 20 pounds lighter in 6 months.  Based on the day I went to the doctor last / what my weight was (and you can bet your bippy, I'm checking my chart), I do believe I am between 35-40 pounds lighter.  I think Dr. Piers will be pleased.  I know I am.

On Thursday, next week, I will officially start P3.  I plan on easing into P3 like an old man climbing into a lifeboat.  SLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLY.  But, one of my encouragements NOT to go overboard (what's up with all of these nautical references?) is that I will measure myself on Thursday morning.  I want to see how many inches I've lost.  I know it's a lot.  I just checked myself out in the full length mirror last night, and I think I see a difference.  So, that means it's going to be several inches total off.  I'll let you know.  

It still smells like meatballs. 

R5P2D14 of 23 - Another 1/2 Pound Bites The Dust

October 23, 2012

Round 5 (R5), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 14 of 23

No, your eyes aren't crossing.  Last blog, I reported that I was in Round 6.  I'm not.  I'm in Round 5.  Not that ANY of you care, aside from me and my Rainman-like-obsession with numbers.

So, this week has been a pretty eventful one, as far as weight-loss is concerned.  The first week in Phase 2 (October 9 - 15), I lost 12 pounds.  The second week in Phase 2 (October 17 - 23), I lost 5 pounds.  That's my 2nd best Round in totals (right behind Round 1, which, for everyone following HCG, is the best).  I'm in completely new territory ... well, completely new in the sense that I haven't been here since the end of 1995 (at best).  I'm praying I can lose another 3-ish -- but 7.7 pounds would be the best, not because it's two primes (my head might explode from the fun of losing TWO primes -- but because I'd be in a new decade before Last Dosage Weight (LDW).  To refresh your memory, LDW is the weight I weigh the morning I stop my drops.  Us HCG-ers only take drops in P2 (when we eat the 500 calories of "wonky" food), and that's the only time we lose weight.  The rest of the time, we're supposed to maintain.  Which, honestly, feels like the hardest part.  So, I'm going to rise to the challenge and tackle this maintaining thing head on.  This is what I plan to do.

FIRST -- Keep Eating P2 Foods, Just More Of Them (aka: P2+)
Yes, I said it.  In fact, I did more than just say it.  It's in WRITING, so it's even more official.  I'm not going to run with reckless abandon into P3's open pantry that is filled with cheese and nuts and low sodium bacon and avocados and olives of all colors, shapes and sizes.  I'm going to fill up on mostly P2 foods like chicken, fish, lean beef/bison/veal (for meat), tomatoes, cucumbers, onions (for veggies).  I will add in things like colorful peppers and celery (maybe with a bit of peanut butter, if I can resist going hog wild).  I'm going to do that for another week or so of P3.  Since this is my shortest Round of P2 ever (23 days), I not only want to maintain my losses, but I feel like I've had more willpower in this Round, because I know it's "short."  Around D21-28, it's drudgery.  I can't say it any other way.  The losses slow way down, the food is NOT fun anymore, and it seems like the end is not in sight.  Now, with this little shorty, I feel I have the gumption to stick with this food (again, eating more of the protein and adding in veggies I can't have in P2) for at least another week, before introducing things like Brie (HEAVEN in the form of cheese) and bacon (could there BE a more perfect meat?). 

SECOND -- Continue Not Eating Carbs And Count My Calories (P3)
This is vital.  I've done the first part correctly every time.  No processed (bread, potato, rice, sugar, honey, agave, chemical sugars) carbs.  But, I have stunk it up like a shunk warding off an enemy when it comes to counting calories.  And, the problem isn't that I'm eating too much.  Bet you thought it was!  The problem is, I'm not eating enough.  I can get by on very little now-a-days.  But, our bodies weren't designed for that.  We need fuel.  Ironically, the HCG diet is about eating ENOUGH calories most of the time.  It's only when you take the drops that you eat so few.  Most of us who are or have followed this have found out that when we don't eat enough, we gain.  Yet, I find myself gaining by not eating enough, and what do I do?  Yep.  I eat less the next day.  Go ahead.  Call me a moron.  I agree.  So, counting calories should give me a good idea of how I CAN eat to maintain.  Am I kidding myself that I'm not eating enough?  The few times I've tracked in P3/P4 in the last year, every time, I wasn't eating enough.  Am I eating too much?  Tracking will show that to me too. 

THIRD -- Only Add Higher Fat Items When My Calories Are Too Low
I will keep cooking with butter.  I have for years, including this last year when I've lost 87.9 pounds.  But, I can still drink skim milk (I don't have to drink whole).  I can have 1/2 and 1/2 in the house for occasional use, but not every day.  I will eat eggs (they really are the perfect food) and maybe add avocado, if my calories are low.  But, not every day.  It's great to eat real, whole food.  Just not a ton, and not every day.  I know I should know that, but I don't.  It's either low fat (NO THANK YOU, that has just as many bad side effects, some of which is weight gain!), or high fat (only when I have to).
FOURTH -- Eat Clean Instead Of Correcting
I think one of my problems has been that I use Correction Days a little too freely in P3.  Yes, you are supposed to correct the day after you go 2.1 pounds over LDW.  That, I've nailed.  BUT, if you keep going up and down, there's a problem.  That's my problem.  I correct like a champion.  The next day, I eat P3 again, and, boom.  The scale goes up a few ounces or a pound.  Wrong-o.  Why?  Because what I should be doing is eating "clean" (P2+) the next few days to solidify the weight the Correction Day has lost.  AND, as a side note, once I do a Correction Day, I'm supposed to maintain that weight for 21 days.  So, all of this P3 correcting, but being done in 21 days (from the start, not from the last Correction Day)?  I've been doing it wrong.  So, since I'm on a schedule (you know how I love my schedules!), I'm not correcting more than 1 time in the beginning (it happens to the HCG champions that a CD has to happen in the first week).  But, after that, I'm just eating clean.  It might take 4 days for the weight to come off, but it'll come off.  I know it.  I've experienced it first hand.

FIFTH -- Assess My Round Length In R6 (January)
If I have the stamina to stabilize well this time, it's because I had a short Round.  I'm planning on doing a doozy of a Round (30 days) in January, so I might rethink that, if I stabilize well.  If I (I should say WHEN I) stabilize well this time, I'll be within spitting distance of a MAJOR goal for me, so if it takes me another 2 Rounds to get to goal, who cares?  A shorter Round that is successful (meaning, I don't gain back 1/2 of what I've lost) vs. a longer Round where I hang on by white-knuckling the last week, and run with reckless abandon into P3 food at the end will mean I gain back part of what I lose.  And, I'm not willing to do that.

So, in short, I'm learning to be flexible in rigidity.  Huh?  Yep.  I'm having to be rigid about some things (the plan), but flexible in how long I do it.  So, here I am ... the HCG equivalent of Mr. flexible, Gumby.

R6P2D12/23 -- Anniversary!

October 19, 2012

Round 6 (R6), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 12 of 23

Hi!  Remember me?  It's been a long time.  Perhaps I should reintroduce myself.  I'm your annoying friend who always talks about weight loss.  Oh, I see the memories flooding back into your brain now.

I'm a little belated in saying this -- and I hope I don't sound conceited, but -- HAPPY HCG ANNIVERSARY to me (and to you for sticking with me for a year!).  Well, 2 days ago, happy anniversary.  10/17/11 is when I started this journey.  On my year anniversary, I had lost 84.9 pounds.  Which is wshere I'm at today.  Ding dong!

So, I'm right in the middle of Round 6, and it's going well.  Attitude wise, I'm happily moving along.  I've lost all that I gained in P3 / P4 / P1 (by the time I was done loading for my birthday -- and I loaded like the best of them -- I had gained 14 pounds from LDW).  I still have 12 days to go (I'm ending this P2 Round on Halloween).  I'm praying I could lose another 6.4 pounds to get me to a very easy number to remember on the scale.  I'll tell you what it is if I get there.  It's NOT what you think it is, but yes, I might just reveal my true weight to the "world" at the end of this Round.  See?  I've lost my mind.  At the weight I'm hoping to get to, I will be 90.5 pounds off.  Mmmm yummy -- I like the sound of that.

This will be my last Round this year.  I plan on going into 2013 loading (like I did last year) and starting Round 7 P2 on January 2.  As a side note, I don't know why I didn't plan on doing 7 Rounds before now.  I love the number 7.  Are you surprised?  I can hear you yawning with a, "No, Julia."  I mean, hello?!  It's a prime number (and I am in my "prime" year -- 41).  , it's God's perfect number, it's odd AND it's my birthdate!).  But, I digress.

I'm going to do Round 7 in January and, if I have to, Round 8 (EEEEK, not prime) in mid-April.  Then, after that, wherever I land, I will only use HCG as a maintenance plan.  If I start seeing "the creep" (of weight loss ... I don't mean I'll start dating a jerk), then I'll do another Round.

So, happy October.  Happy anniversary.  Happy Halloween.  Happy happy, joy joy.

R4P4D14/27 -- Whirlwind September!

September 28, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 4 (P4 = eating what I want in moderation after stabilized in P3), Day 14 of 27

Holy buckets, Batman!  Has it been almost a month since I wrote last?  This past month has been a whirlwind.  For those of you who have checked out here, you probably noticed my weight going between 84 pounds off (my lowest low, or my Last Dosage Weight, LDW) from August 23 and my Round 4 not stabilized "high" of 77 pounds off on my weigh-in last Saturday.  It's been a see-saw between those 7 pounds in a month, let me tell you.  Today, I am at 82 pounds off, so I'm within the LDW window, which is good.  It's been a wild ride.  And, I'll tell you why.

No excuses.

That's right.  I'm not making excuses.  I've made mistakes, and I've made planned blips.  There's a big difference between the two.  Yep, the word PLANNED.  Here's my first mistake in stabilizing (and, just for the record, I am NOT stabilized, which means 21 days straight of staying in that 2 pound window above, or 2 pound window below LDW -- the last day I took HCG drops what I weighed in at.  Yes, I ended that sentence in a preposition).  I thought since I loaded for 2 days (48 hours), I only needed to come off of drops for 48 hours.  NOPE.  It's still 72.  So, basically, I was eating proteins and good fats (P3 foods) on Saturday, August 25, when I should have waited until Sunday, August 26.  Doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is.  Why?  Because a MAJOR part of this weight-loss program, when you are on the drops (which is about 1/4 of the time you are doing this) is, DO NOT STRAY FROM THE MENU.  You can't even use most lotions and makeup and products, because they have animal products (which, while you're on HCG drops, is absorbed by the body as calories) in them (just Baby lotion, which only has mineral oil in it).  I don't color my hair, wear lip gloss, get a pedicure, use lotion, etc.  I did paint my nails a lot this time, which shouldn't be a problem, but I found out after the fact that all fingernail polish remover has Aloe in it, which, is absorbed as calories just like animal products while you're taking HCG drops.  So, I guess I'll be fingernail polish free during the middle to end of October when I'm doing Round 5.

Anyway, I didn't "end well" in P2 (mistake).  And, I went up about 2.5 pounds over night.

Now, for the planned blips.  There have been several days where I knew I was going to be eating "off plan" -- eating at a Mexican restaurant for a friend's daughter's birthday.  Going out for a Chinese food lunch with a friend from work.  Eating movie theater popcorn (the bane of my resistance!).  These goodies, I planned for, and I knew I would go up the next day.  And, I was okay with it.  Not the kind of okay where I eat gangbusters everything in sight because I did (or would) blow it that day.  Nope.  I ate well the other part of those days.  I went up, and had to fight the good fight back.  And, I didn't get discouraged. 

So, that's it.  I had a hard time stabilizing, because, frankly, I think I threw my body into shock with that coming off of drops miscalculation.  And, it was an uphill battle from there.  But, I did not come down on myself for it, or sabotage myself by eating bunches of comfort food.  I know that sounds weird to you skinny people, but for those of us who have turned to food for comfort for so many years, the #1 way to comfort oneself for overeating is (you guessed it), overeating.  And, I didn't.  I fought back, prayed about my attitude and to have joy.  And I have.

That's about it from my HCG journey in September.  Even as I write that, I can't believe this month is almost over.  I've almost been following HCG for a year (October 17 marks the 1 year anniversary of me starting the drops ... 82.1 pounds later as of today).  I've almost rounded (haha -- pun not intended, but I'm leaving it, since this whole year has been about "Rounds" of HCG) out my 40th year on the planet losing part of my body.  And loving it!

PS.  Work is going okay.  It's unbelievably busy, but God is working a miracle in me and sustaining me with joy in this time.  Romans 12:12 is really playing out. "Rejoice in hope, be patient in affliction, be constant in prayer."

R4P3D3/21 -- Sabotage?

August 27, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 3 (proteins only), Day 3 of 21

I made a goof (inadvertent, hence the word goof) over the weekend.  Since I loaded for 2 days (48 hours), I thought I stop taking the drops for 48 hours before entering P3.  So, I stopped taking the drops on Thursday morning, thinking by 8 a.m. on Saturday morning, I would be in P3.  WELL, I ate to protocol, didn't go gang busters on anything (in fact, I had about the same food as my friend who is on the same schedule as me), and ... she lost 0.5, and I gained 2.4.  Ruh roh.

The only difference?  She loaded for 72 hours, so her Last Dosage Weight (LDW) day -- meaning, the last day she took drops -- was Wednesday, a full 72 hours before P3 on Saturday.  So, I learned a good lesson.  STOP DROPS 3 DAYS PRIOR TO P3, no matter how many days I load.

Lesson learned.

So, I'm working my way back down.

As of this morning, I dropped 0.7 pounds of the 2.4, so I'm within that 2 pound LDW above window.  I'm eating clean today (meaning, P2 foods, just more of them).  Hopefully, in a day or two, I'll be back at or under LDW.

That's the promise I made to me, to you and to God.  This time, if I see a gain, I'm not going zany with Correction Days.  I'm going to eat clean (P2 foods, just more of them) and let it come off naturally.  That way, the up and down won't happen (or be as frustrating when it does).

So, off I go.  I hope, when you check back tomorrow, you will see that my weight has said, "Off I go" as well.

R4P2D33/33 - That's all she wrote, baby!

August 24, 2012

R4 (Round 4, the 4th time I've done all of these phases), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 33 of 33

Today is the last day of P2 food for this Round.  Hallelujah, with a capital HALLELUJAH!  This morning, I dropped 0.6 on the scale, bringing my grand total (not that today's weight counts, as it's yesterday that I have to stay at, as my Last Dosage Weight or "LDW") to 84.7 pounds down since July 23.  I'll take it.

Today, I'm eating bison (I always call it buffalo, but I just read the package and it's clearly bison, which must be different?) for my meat choices today, as I have run out of chicken.  You're supposed to alternate and not eat 2 servings of the same meat in P2, but, what's a girl gonna do?  I'm NOT cooking one more 3.5 ounce chicken portion just to get me through today.  So, I'm buffaloing it up today.  Yes, buffaloing isn't a word.  But, frankly, I think it should be.

Also, as I was packing my lunch today, I realized I only had 1 apple left (that boat-load of grocery shopping, you'd think I wouldn't be short on anything ... but I am going to the apple orchard tomorrow, so no worries), and I need to eat 2 in a day in P2.  So, I read somewhere (it's all blurring into one big brain blob ... hey, that was alliteration, or the "repetition of consonant sounds" ... I'm like a dog getting distracted by a squirrel right now) that you can substitute a tomato for an apple in P2.  So, I ate bison, 2 medium tomatoes and my grissini breadstick for lunch.  Woo hoo.  Tonight, I'm going to a friend's house (I'm sure she'll have yummy, comfort food going), so I'm coming armed with (yes, you guessed it) more bison, a cucumber, an apple and grissini.  My goal is to get as far below LDW as I can before tomorrow morning.  That means, 2 pounds.  Which, in 0.8 ounces, will put me in a new decade.  I won't stay there for long (you usually don't keep the 1 - 2 pound drop after LDW, since the weight you lose in these 2 days, after stopping the drops, are "normal" fat depletion, not the abnormal fat depletion that stays off).  Anyway, I'm not worried.  I just want to see that new decade on the scale.  Even just once, before I hit it HARD in October when I start Round 5. 

So, what do you have planned for the weekend?

Mountain climbing?
Taking over a company?
Pillaging?
Running the country?

Sounds great.  I plan on sleeping in.  :-)

R4P3D32 of 33 - REPOST (sorry for the Blog issues) -- I'm rounding the Round 4, Phase 2 Finish Line

August 23, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (P2), Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) #32 of 33

Well, my friends, I have hit my Last Dosage Weight (LDW).  Today, I am 84.1 pounds off (that means, I lost 24.1 pounds in R4.  Of course, only 7.1 of those are new territory.  But, I hit some milestones and made up for  (redeemed, I will say) the pounds I gained from "stress eating" in R3P3/R3P4, and then moved the needle down a bit.  I'll take it.  I'm "down" with down.  I'm satisfied.  And, I am determined to make R4P3 (remember, P3 is eating proteins for 21 days to stabilize the weight I've lost) count this time.

In order to make this P3 count, I did some menu planning for P3 (at least the first week or 2).  I plan on eating approved foods, but less of the, "stay away from veggies and fruit" motto I had adopted (and that's not plan, really) in the last 2 of 3 Rounds.  I only ate meat and cheese in the first week.  And, I wasn't eating enough calories.  So, this time, I'm eating my veggies too, and approved fruit. 

That said, last night, I did a boat-load (I should say, CR-V load, as the back of my car was full last night) of P3 grocery shopping last night.  Here's my grocery list (for you HCG-ers or those trying to eat low-carb who have asked me what I can and do eat in P3):

• Red/yellow/orange peppers
• Spaghetti squash
• Cherry tomatoes (I LOVE those, but can't eat them in P2, because they have more natural sugar content, which can cause a stall in the VLCD P2)
• Mixed salad greens
• Jicama (can't wait to try that ... it's supposed to have the consistency of an apple, but the flavor of a vegetable!)
• Celery
• Avocado
• Mushrooms
• Sweet onions
• Green onions
• Strawberries
• Watermelon
• Cantaloupe
• Apples (well, not yesterday ... I'm buying apples at Tanner's Orchard on Saturday).  For you non-locals, it's a great apple-buying spot in the late summer, early-autumn.
• Frozen cauliflower (for my oh-so-yummy cauliflower bake!)
• Steel-cut oats (I almost wrote GOATS ... yikes, those would hurt).  I'm going to try having them at the end of P3, even though they are carb-y (no, that is not a word, and yes, I did just use it)\
• Black olives
• Green olives
• No sugar added (agave nectar only -- again, at the end of P3) strawberry jam (my fave!)
• Mary's Gone Crackers (spelt grain, again, breaks down like a veggie, not a carb)
• Duke's Mayo (only kind without sugar)
• Whole green chiles (I'm making chile rellenos soon --- eggs, cheese, chiles, yummy!
• Spaghetti sauce (checked for sugars ... hard to find, but I found some, vodka sauce, actually!)
• Lara bars ("gone nuts" flavor -- all nuts)
• Natural peanut butter (I know which brands to buy, but if you do, be careful, many of the "natural" brands have honey, agave nectur, high fructose corn syrup in them ... the non-naturals have stuff with "-oxe" or "-ose" at the end, and that is a chemical form of sugar ... it's in EVERYTHING I tell you!)
• Fage Greek Yogurt (plain is the only one without sugar, so I'll add Stevia to it and fruit ... I have some 3-year-old frozen Michigan blueberries in my freezer I will use)
• Laughing Cow French Onion cheese wedges (35 calories a wedge) which I put in the peppers (I'm also going to try making stuffed peppers, with quinoa or farro instead of rice -- it tastes like rice, but it a natural product that breaks down as a veggie carb, not a "bad" processed carb in the body)
• Eggs (LOTS of eggs)
• Kroger brand low-sodium bacon (it's the only one I've found ANYWHERE without some form of sugar in it (HCG-ers reading this, pay attention!)
• Jimmy Dean's savory sausage (roll -- again, the only one I've found without sugars of any kind ... yes, I'm going to make a bread-free egg casserole!)
• Cottage cheese (it was hard to find one without sugars, but I did, in the end -- it's in almost everything in one form or another!)
• Milk (whole!)
• Devonshire clotted cream
• Heavy whipping cream
• Sour cream
• Cream cheese
• Ground sirloin
• Bison
• Lamb
• Veal
• Crumpets (I know, I know, carb-a-rama ... I won't eat them until P4, but I was there, they were there, and they went right into my freezer)
• Shrimp (I will soon be making Linda's Mom's recipe again -- shrimp grilled in butter and garlic!)
• Cashews (I'm staying away from them for the first few weeks)
• Ezekiel bread (it's a spelt grain bread that is whole grain, but, again, breaks down as a veggie, not a starchy carb)
• Ezekiel tortillas
• Ezekiel sandwhich wraps
• Ezekiel English Muffins

I should be good until about February 2020 with that amount of food.  Just kidding.  But, clearly, you can see I wasn't kidding when I said car-load, huh?  I can mix it up a bit, with "treat" things in P4.  For example, I bought a couple of small loaves of pumpkin+chocolate chip / banana / zucchini bread at Fresh Market 2 weeks ago & immediately froze them.  I might have some in P4, maybe with my Gram, since she loves sweets.  When I go to Tanner's this weekend, I'll probably buy some caramel too ... yum, apple fritters).
Uh oh.  Mind on the game, Julia.  Mind on the game.

I'm back.  Okay, so today and tomorrow, I keep eating P2 foods (two 3.5 ounce meat portions of either white fish, chicken or very lean beef/bison, a tomato and either a cucumber, onion, some spinach, 2 grissini bread sticks, 1 Tbs of milk, and 2 apples).  Even though the drops are done (which is why this is called, "Last Dosage Weight" since it's the last day I took the drops -- this morning), I need to be 48 hours without drops in my system before I go to P3.  I loaded for 48 hours, I have to wait 48 hours to get them out of my system.  If I start eating P3 right now, I'll gain.  That's what I did in Rounds 2 & 3 ... I "couldn't wait" for P3, so I ate P3 for dinner on my lat night in P2.  And, duh, Julia!  I gained.  So, this time, this trap of a mouth is saying NO to P3 until Saturday morning at 8 a.m.  That'll be about 48.5 hours since I took my last drops.  Then, hello eggs for breakfast! 

Whoah there, Nellie.  Maybe I should say, "Hi, eggs."  Hello sounds like I plan on eating a dozen.

R4P2D31/33 -- Tomorrow is my Last Dosage Weight Day

August 22, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 31

So, tomorrow's the big day.  It's the last day for me to take my HCG drops for Round 4, which means, whatever I weigh in the morning is "it" for my Last Dosage Weight (LDW) that I need to work to stay at (or below by no more than 2, or above by no more than 2 pounds) in Phase 3 (all proteins).  P2 is that 500 calorie a day thing.  I'm ready to be done with it, even though this is the only Phase where and HCG-er actually loses weight (or is supposed to).  I'm not supposed to go below 2 pounds in P3 because that's when my body is stabilizing to realize THIS is my new highest weight.  Phase 4 (eat what I want in moderation), I actually can continue to lose there, by eating healthy, with the occasional treat.

This is me, thinking of having milk staring Saturday:

I had really hoped to be about 2 pounds lower than I am right now (to be in a new decade), but it's okay that I am where I am.  It's a nice 84 pounds off even.  Of course, I could always have a 2 pound loss tomorrow, but I doubt it.  I've had 75 ounces of liquid today already and haven't used the restroom once.  Yep.  I'm a camel.
As of this morning, I've lost 24 pounds this Round, so I made up for my gain in P3 and P4 last time, and took off another 12-ish pounds.  It's not great (I'd be TWO decades down more than now if I had watched what I did in R3 closer), but it's still in the right direction.  DOWN!  I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- Round 3 was hard, but it was worth it.  It taught me that I have to be constantly vigilant about keeping this weight off.  It's not about denying myself in P2 (that I am just about done with ... can I say that again?!) and then binging in P3 and P4.  I'd never done that before Round 3.  But, by the last 2 weeks in R3P4, I was eating naughty food every day for at least 1 meal.  I guess that's okay (meaning, no gains) if you stabilize well.  But, even then, I don't really want to be eating junk.  My stress levels wanted me to.  This time, I'm less stressed (thank you, Lord, and you who prayed for me and talked me through it and encouraged me).  And, I'm humbled by my R3 experience, that I am not (hear that, Julia?  NOT) going to gain again.  If I do, it won't be because I'm eating Taco Bell and DQ.  It will be because my body is doing something.  I won't know what, but it won't be because I'm shoving food in my gob.

So, check back tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll be able to blog again, and the little needle will be to 85 pounds off.  I'm wearing size 16s now, by the way.  That may not sound small, but when I started this, I was at a (am I really going to share this?!?!)  24/26 ... closer to a 26.  I'm not ready to share exactly what I weighed, but I'm pretty sure I will in R5 (which starts October 13 ... 4 days shy of 1 year on HCG).

See you tomorrow! 

R4P2D23/33 - I've shed the world's largest ball of tape is

August 14, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (P2), Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 23 of 33

Ten days left in R4P2.  Ten days and at least 5 pounds more to go.  I'd really like to lose 7 more pounds, to have me securely in another decade (that means, 2 pounds into that decade).  It'll be a decade.  On the scale, if you remember, I call every 10 pounds a new decade.  For example, if I weighed 140 pounds (ha!  I wish!), when I got to 139, I'd call that a new decade.  So, at least I'm moving towards a new decade, even if I am inching there, 1/10th of a pound at a time.

This morning, I lost another 0.6 pounds from yesterday when I stepped on the scale.  Normally, I don't like losing anything, but I am LOVING the numbers I am seeing on the scale, so I happily say good-bye to pieces of myself one little ounce by another.  I'm currently close to another personal milestone for me, which is the bottom of this "decade" -- I believe I haven't weighed that weight since maybe April of 1996.  There were lots and lots of years where I just didn't step on the scale.  Obviously, you do not get to be the weight I was by staying conscious of your weight.  So, I measure my progress by the weight-loss attempts I've tried over the years.  I did a weight-loss attempt in the Spring of 1996, Spring of 2001, 2003, 2006, 2011 ... and then by the fall of 2011, I tried HCG.  HCG has been the only thing that works.  80.4 pounds down this morning, and still going strong.  As of Friday, I will have stuck with this for 10 months.  Never stuck with anything that long, so that bodes well for future success.

I'm getting to the place where, I'm over 1/2 way to my weight-loss goal (in fact, in about 12 pounds, I will be at 2/3 of my weight loss goal!).  I'm very happy about that.  I definitely have lost the World's Largest Ball of Tape (that's right, they weighed it!), or, maybe a 10 year old girl (?) at this stage.  No wonder I'm wanting to swim, right by bicycle and hike (which I did, all 3 days last weekend, and wasn't at all sore).  I'm trying to live it up before it gets too cold to do my 3 favorite physical activities.

I don't have much more to say at this point, besides repeating myself, so I guess I'll sign off.  I hope you have a wonderful day, and, if you feel like it, reach out to me and let me know how I can pray for you.  It's SO honoring to be able to pray specifically for my friends.

R4P2D19/33 - Every Round is different, like snowflakes

August 10, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 19 of 33

Well, I'm over half way done with R4P2 (that sounds like a Star Wars robot).  I have exactly 2 weeks to go until this weight-loss portion of the HCG Round (4) draws to a close.  Then, it's maintain that weight, maintain that weight, maintain that weight.  This time, I have a plan to do it.

I'm eating P2 foods (just more of them), plus more fruits and veggies, the first week in Phase 3 (P3) -- proteins.  I'm NOT going to eat peanut butter (YUM!) the first week.  I'm going to eat cheese and dairy sparingly.  I can eat them, but I still need to fill in the cracks (as Hobbits would say) with P2 foods.  Not fill in the cracks with meat and cheese in week 1 of P3.  That's what causes instability.  I'm preparing myself mentally for that now, so I don't sabotage myself and go gang-busters on cheese sticks or something.  I stabilized well in R1, because I followed the directions (what I outlined above).  R2 and R3 -- and this is a normal thing for people -- I went a little "rogue" and went straight into P3 foods.  Um, follow the directions, Julia.  You're not THAT special where you can do your own thing.

Okay, I'm talking in third person.  Julia hates it when she does that.  OOOH, she -- I mean I -- just did it again.  :-)

Last week was a tough week for me, but I stuck with it.  The entire week (I think more like 8 days), I went down 1.2 pounds.  It was my slowest loss week yet (comparing Rounds 1 - 4).  This week, since Monday, I'm down 3.3 pounds (0.9 of that was this morning).  What have I done differently?  Well, when I felt VERY hungry (which isn't normal on HCG, but sometimes happens in week 2 or 3 for me), I doubled my protein allowance.  The 2 days I did that (T and TH), I ended up with a 1.2 and a 1.1 loss.  So, maybe I'll do that from now on, when I need a kick start.  One thing I've learned is, every Round is different.

So, I finally got below my lowest weight since August 2001.  I've beat that "record" by 2 pounds as of this morning.  I have, at most, 7 more pounds to lose before I'm at my 1996 weight record, then, another 20 from there before I beat my 1994 record.  After that, it's 30 more pounds before I weigh less than my bar days, AND less than I ever have as an adult (don't worry, Mom, it's still perfectly within my weight-range for my height and age).  So, add that up, and I have 57 pounds left to go ... anything after that is ... well, I can't say cake, because it's too high in carbs.  How about I say ... it'll be steak (that rhymes with cake & is protein).

R4P2D12/33 - I'm 1/3 of the way done

August 3, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 12 / 33

Yesterday was my 1/3 of the way done with R4P2 mark.  The first third went pretty well, tracking about with the other Rounds.  I'm definitely out of the honeymoon part, because I'm looking towards August 25 when I'm in Phase 3 (proteins).  Actually, I think that's good, because this time, I am preparing myself WAY early (you know how I hate sneak attacks) that for the first week of P3, I'm going to eat P2 foods, just more of them.  No jumping full-force into a vat of cottage cheese and skarfing down other cheeses and non-P2 (but protein rich) foods, like peanut butter, etc.  I'm going to ease in.  I did that in Round 1 Phase 3, and had success.  I think I was stabilized after 1 week.  In Phase 3 in Rounds 2 and 3, I dove in (mouth open), and had a VERY difficult time stabilizing.  So, how about I follow the directions?  DUH, Julia.  Okay.  If I have to.  I guess.  (Yes, that was a random Red Green quote.)

So, I'm at 75.8 pounds off.  I've decided, if I'm still nickel and diming the weight loss by next Tuesday (when I will be in week 3 of 5), I'm going to do an apple day.  I've done one apple day around that same time each Round, and it's been a help.  For one thing, it's a change from P2 food.  For another thing, it's highly satisfying (I love apples and the crunch).  For another thing, it kick starts the weight-loss, and gets past a plateau.  For those of you who are new to reading this, or don't remember what it is, it's eating 6 apples (only) in a day.  Sounds like a lot of apples and a little of anything else.  But, it's okay.  ONCE a Round.  So, I'm planning on trying one out this Round.  The 3 times I did it (Rounds 1, 2 and 3), I lost 3.0, 2.5 and 2.7 pounds.  I could use a loss like that to jump start my system again.  I've gotta get off the last pesky 1.5 pounds to get back to my Round 3 LDW (that's right, I haven't gotten back to it yet, even though I've lost 15.3 pounds this Round).  No condemnation.  I'm doing the right things.  So, all is right with the world.

I hope you have a good weekend.  If you're in the mid-West, like I am, I think it's going to be another scorcher.

Before I sign off, I'd like to mention one more thing.  Monday is my older nephew's 7th birthday.  So, please join me in praying for Samuel August to have a blessed birthday, and for this to be a year when he makes a decision for Christ -- and that he will grow to be a man after His own heart and be used by Him for His purposes!

Happy birthday, sweet Samuel boy (the picture on the left was from August 2010, and on the right is June 2012)! 

R4P2D9/33 - Who knew? I'm normal after all!

July 31, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 9 of 33

Well, I'm almost 1/3 of the way through R4P2.  Seems a bit surreal!  I'm 14.1 pounds down as of this morning.  I still have 2.7 pounds to get to my lowest since 2001.  But, I'm happy with my progress thus far, because, it's tracking with what I've done in the past.  It's important to me that it's tracking about the same, because it's easy to get woo-ed by the numbers and realize that, actually, I should be losing at a quicker pace.  One of my friends is doing this at the same time as me, and she and I are having virtually the same losses each day.  That's good -- that means, the slow down I've experienced the last 2 weigh-ins is exactly as it should be.  I lost a lot the first week (which, I affectionately call, "The Honeymoon" part of Phase 2 -- the first week where pounds drop off rapidly), and am starting to move into the "Seven Year Itch" part of Phase 2.  That's the part where I start thinking, "WHAT have I signed on for?  I'm sacrificing all of this for no loss, or a minor loss, or (GASP!) a slight gain?!"  Well, yes, that's normal.

So, as of this morning, I'm 74.1 pounds down.  I'm working hard to maintain that, and, Lord-willing, drop another 3 - 5 in the next week.  This is the slow period (the next 2 weeks), and then, by week 4, it starts to pick up again. 

The funny thing about the 7 Year Itch time is that it's the time when I notice the most difference in me physically.  Even though the weight isn't going gangbusters down on the scale, each Phase 2 (and this is my 4th), this is the time in the Phase when I start to FEEL a difference in my body.  I mean it -- FEEL.  My body feels smaller when I touch it randomly (knees, hips, chin, whatever).  And, it starts looking a bit smaller too.  It's the "INCHES" part of Dr. Simeon's Pounds & Inches (HCG protocol).  My body is catching up with losing 14 inches (roughly) in 7 days.

That's about all I have to say for today.  I guess I'll leave you with some pearls of wisdom.  "Here's mud in your eye."  "Don't take any wooden nickles."  "Keep a stiff upper lip."  "See you later, alligator."

R4P2D5/33 - 11.7 pounds down

July 27, 2012

R4P2D5 of 33

So far, Round 4 (R4) Phase 2 (P2) has been a success.  I've lost weight each day, which is a joy to see and feel.  I lost 4.5 on Tuesday morning, 3.2 on Wednesday morning, 2.8 yesterday morning, and 1.2 today (total of 11.7 pounds).  That's about right for losses in the first few days if you follow the protocol.  In fact, I'm just a smidge (0.7 of a pound) lower on Day 5 than I was in Day 5 of Round 3.  Cool!  I beat my record.  I love beating my own records.  May God continue to bless me with good losses and strength to power through this.

I think a very good thing about "struggling" through Round 3 (because of work stress) was that it makes this Round feel a little better.  I am able to remind myself that this round feels easier (I made my homemade mayo and horseradish, and chocolate delights this week, and I didn't even think about making them in Round 3, my brain was so fried with being freaked out about work).  And, I'm able to remind myself that I'm saying, "NO!" to foods now that I can (and will!) eat later, because this is the only Round where I lose weight -- and I've got some ground to make up (as of this morning, exactly 5 pounds).  I want to be in the 85 - 90 pound off mark by the end of Round 3.  That's a bold goal, but if I've learned anything, I need to give myself a bold goal,or I'll "phone it in" (sort of what I did in all of Round 3) and not make the most of it.

Here I am with my friend Linda last weekend (hi, Linda!) as I was loading at the British Tea Room in the area ... yes, we are wearing crowns:

Therefore, here I am, ready to face a weekend (WHEW!) of relaxing (Lord-willing).  And, ready to see the scale (dare I say it) go BELOW my Last Dosage Weight from May 30 ... I actually "only" have 4.4 pounds to get to that ... by next Monday's weigh in.  Then, it's new territory.  I fully plan on being Lewis (or Clark) in my weight loss in the coming weeks.  Charting new territory, fitting into clothes better -- or new ones -- seeing myself look different -- feeling less of me when I put my hands on my hips (Hallelujah!) ... oh, so many exciting things are coming.  I need to focus on those, instead of what I can't eat right now -- or what job I'm in that I'm hoping to be able to get out of in a year.

I'll leave you with one more picture -- of me and my new best friend:

She would tell me to have a stiff upper lip and get cracking on this weight loss and job thing.  So, here I go.  So, happy weekend! 

R4P2D3/33 -- Whew!

July 25, 2012

Round 4 (Yes!), Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 3 of 33

I made it into Round 4.  The transition was very smooth.  I only did 2 loading days, since, let's be honest, I've been eating some of what I wanted to eat, the last 2 - 3 weeks of Phase 4 (eat what you want in moderation).  So, here's how things panned out.

• Loading day 1 -- gained 0.7 pounds
• Loading day 2 -- gained 0.0 pounds

That makes every loading experience of mine a stand-still on the last day (whether it is 2 days of loading, or 3).  I never gain that last day.  And, I'll tell you what, I PACKED it in this time.  I was SO uncomfortable, I actually felt like making myself throw up (for about 1 second until I remembered how absolutely much I HATE vomiting). 

Regardless, I was 1,000,000 percent ready for P2 to start on Monday.  Which, it did.  My first 2 weigh-ins after eating all day at P2 food (Tuesday morning and this morning), I lost the following:

• Tuesday: 4.5 pounds
• Wednesday, 3.2 pounds

That's about the same as how I lost in the first two days of Round 3, so that seems great.  I will only mention that I am still making up ground from my "stress eating" (still a LOT LESS stress eating than I would have done if this was this time last year and I had this job), so I have exactly 9 pounds to go before I get back to my lowest weight (that I just barely touched on May 30) since August 27, 2001, and May 30, 2012.  I plan on (with the Lord's help) blowing by that number by (Lord willing) next week this time.  It could be sooner.  I want to be in new territory.

One of the funny things that I'll mention about HCG.  I've read it and said it before -- it removes abnormal fat (the only diet out there that does) so we don't look saggy.  Well, even though I gained (from my smallest in Round 3, on May 30, to my heaviest in Round 4 on the last loading day on July 22) a total of 16 pounds, I continually received (unsolicited, mind you) comments from people (some who see me a lot, some who don't) that I looked "great" or "thinner" -- even though I had gained a bit.  That was encouraging.  I knew, about 1/2 way through Round 3, that this would be an extraordinary Round for me.  I was plugging through, regardless of what the scale said, and not shoving major comfort (fatty, starchy, warm) food into my mouth at (and between) every meal.  In my life, that is a victory no less than that of Winston Churchill proportions.

That brings me to these quotes from him -- I may not have agreed with a lot of his life (he was a bit saucy), but I like these quotes (they are on magnets):

"Never, never, never give up."

And ...

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Perhaps its the suborn German in me that these quotes resonate with (yes, I just ended that sentence in a preposition -- get over it!).  Well, I'm not dramatic or ignorant enough about spiritual life to say I've actually been going through hell.  No.  My life is a cake walk compared with what I can imagine hell is like (and I know it's a million times worse than what my brain can fathom).  But, I am been going through the ringer (you know that, since you're reading these).  Well, I refuse to give up.  I refuse to let myself think (Satan whisper lies into my head) that this weight-loss is transitory, not permanent and that I'm kidding myself.  Fine.  So, I took almost 17-pounds of steps backwards.  By the time I started Round 4, I had taken 60-pounds of steps (and 9 months) of steps forward.  And, that's a direction I'm staying on.

So, here I am.  Round 4, Phase 2 (R4P2).  And, I like it.  Why?  Yes, I'm smelling foods I love and denying myself.  Yes, I can't "comfort" myself with food.  But, you know what?  It's structured.  I.love.structure.  I know exactly the things I can eat, the products I can use (only mineral oil and Johnson's baby lotion during this phase -- no animal fats).  And, I know, without a doubt, that I will be smaller tomorrow.  Even if the scale says 0.1 pounds down.  It's smaller.  And, I'm ready.  God is giving me the strength, whether I like the job or not.  Whether I like the food I'm eating or not.  Everything, everything good or bad, is just a season.  But, both are gifts.  I have tended to look at the good seasons as gifts up until now.  But, the hot/freezing cold seasons are too.  They draw me closer to God, to you, and to understanding that I am NOT the captain of this ship (my life and spirit).  God is.  Man, that is SO freeing.

This was from the book, "Jesus Calling" (by Sarah Young) today:

"I speak to you continually; through sights, sounds, thoughts, impressions, scriptures.  There is no limit to the variety of ways I can communicate with you.  Your part is to be attentive to My messages, in whatever form they come ... You can find Me, not only in beauty and bird calls, but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief.  I can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a pattern for good ... You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with your whole being."

After reading that, I looked up these scriptures that it referenced:

John 10:27
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Jeremiah 29:13:
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8:28:  
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

And you know what I did?  I thanked God for my job -- which I've done before.  But, this was the first time EVER (I think in my life?) that I thanked God for the pain.  I actually thanked Him for pain!  I've never done that before, because I've been afraid (AFRAID of God?!) that He would keep me in it.  Well, so what?  If He keeps me in painful situations, I trust Him.  Why?  Because He has proven Himself faithful over and over again in very painful situations in my life (even when I was 100% wrong and the pain was my doing -- which I know it's not this time).  He was still faithful to deliver me.  I am grateful for this pain, because it's drawing me closer to Him.    Without this pain, I would not be growing (as my body is shrinking -- don't think THAT is lost on me)!  Thank you, Lord!

I know some of you may think I'm a little manic today, or that I'm blathering.  It sure is a 180 degree change from my last post.  My desire in being transparent with you again today in this is that someone reading it, who is going through his or her own major struggles right now (or even just feeling the "blahs" of life) will realize that God's got your back.  You may not be able to see Him, but for those of us who love and trust Him -- regardless of the circumstance -- God will use every circumstance in our lives for good in the end (Romans 8:28 paraphrase, New Julia International Version).

R3P4D29/30 - Just call me Eyeore (while I get over myself)

July 19, 2012

Round 3 (R3), Phase 4 (P4 = eat what I want in moderation), Day 29 (D29)/30

One day in Round 3 remains.  I'm ready for Round 4 and losing weight again.  I pretty much always feel this way (and yes, you've read it and heard it from me before) -- these 4 Phases are like seasons -- I'm always ready for them when they begin, and ready for the next one by the time they wind up.  So, giddy up, I think it's time for Spring (monsoon rains of food) for 2 days (I'm "only" loading for 2 days instead of 3 this time, because the past 30 days, I've indulged, as my 10 pounds up shows).  Then, starting Monday, it's blazing hot Summer (as it is right now).  It'll feel good to begin with, but, then, the (food) draught will happen.  And, I'll plug away.  I'm ready. 

Of course, ready is a rather subjective word.  I'm ready to lose more weight.  I'm ready to reclaim that number on the scale that was 10 pounds less than where I am today.  But, am I ready for the emotional fortitude I must have to be successful?  Well, the plain answer is: no.  I'm not emotionally ready -- because, I'm still flipping out about my job.  It's not like I have road rage (I didn't say flipping OFF), or that I'm yelling at people, beating small animals or cutting myself up.  Not THAT kind of flipping out.  Just the inner stomach in knots, fight-or-flight feeling all of the time -- begging God to give me the strength to see me through another MINUTE of this job.  The kind of flipping out where I cry a lot (quite often, kind words from people bring HUGE tears the next second), I want to eat comfort food or spend money ($50 here, $200 there) on comforts like movies, books ... all unnecessary things to living life.

Lord help me.

So, here I go (am I nuts?) with another Round.  My work stress level had ebbed (even though I didn't like much of any of my job duties and would dread work, I still could suck it up and do it well -- internal gray cloud and all).  Then, last Wednesday through last Sunday, that panic of, "I hate this job" (I won't go into why) and "I am doing this job well, but it's killing me on the inside" and "I feel like a square peg getting jammed into a round hole" and "I feel like a bug getting ready to be squished or a dog waiting for a beating" every time I look in my email (which is about 200 times a day -- no joke -- every day) or check my email.  This job is a flood gate.  And, I am like one of the people watching Noah float by on the boat laden with animals.

See, I'm Eyeore.

My positivity is taking a HUGE nose dive, and I feel like a whiner.

So, am I really ready for Round 4?  Lord willing, yes.

I feel like Round 3 was almost wasted (not really), because I gained back almost 10 pounds of my 23 lost because I started turning to food for comfort.  BAD news.  For that, I need prayer.  Doesn't it seem to you like I'm Eyeore and asking for prayer CONSTANTLY since I accepted this job.  Sign number 4,379 that this isn't the right job for me.  But, at this time, it is.  However long that time lasts (Dear Lord, please don't let it be long).  I don't like being a sucker of pity and never giving back to those I love (you peeps).  But, alas, here I am, Eyeoring it up.

What's time?  It's a healer and a killer and subjective and very real.  For example, tomorrow marks the 3 year anniversary of when I found out I had uterine cancer.  Can that really be 3 years?  It feels like 30 years and 30 minutes at the same time.  I guess that's comforting -- time is relative.  So, I've been on this job (that I do not enjoy -- 100% of the job duties are like needles poking me) for 3 months ... it seems like forever and barely any time.  Well, so do a lot of things.  So, get over myself.  So I'll be spending 33 days (starting Monday) eating my Very Low Calorie food.  So, get over myself.  So I spent the last 3 months feeling (at best) blah.  So, get over myself.

The only way I know how to do that, and to change my name from Eyeore back to Tigger is to pray -- moment by moment -- when I feel that work (and the "prison sentence" of 2 - 3 years+ on this job) is devouring me.  This isn't a quick fix.

Tomorrow, I meet with my boss at 12 (for those of you who had heard 9 a.m., she asked me to move if to make way for another meeting) to talk about my mid-year review.  I'm not nervous about what she'll say.  In fact, I'm almost hoping she says this isn't a good job fit for me, so I don't have to do it.  (Doesn't this sound like I'm breaking up with this job?!)  But, I think she'll say I'm doing well (I have the data to prove all I've done) and might have some things I can work on (all bosses do that).  But, what I'm praying I can do is be honest (without being as stream-of-conscious as I am out here) and that she will have a receptive heart to what I am saying.  Lord help me, He knows why He put me here.  I know there are many reasons.  I just can't see the forest through the trees (as my Gram says).  I am praying that, tomorrow, I can see even a tiny corner of that 7 Acre Wood (Pooh Bear, Eyeore reference) so I can become Tigger again.  I like being bouncy and happy on the inside AND outside (instead of fighting so hard during the day to make my outside bouncy when I feel like Eyeore on the inside).

Anyone have a prozac dart that you're willing to spare?

R3P4D20/29 -- The countdown to Round 4 starts now ...

July 10, 2012

Round 3, Phase 4 (eating what I want in moderation) Day 20/29

Happy birthday to my dear friend, Linda!

I need a new picture of her (and her daughter, Elizabeth).  This is an old one, from May 2010!

Well, it's almost time to start my Round 4, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie Day) engines.  I start back into P2 on Monday, July 23.  I'll load on Saturday, July 21, and Sunday, July 22.  I can't say I'm all that thrilled about loading, since I'm up (as of today) 7.3 pounds above this Round's P2 Last Dosage Weight (LDW).  But, again, I'm not discouraged.  I'm doing the "right" things (not condemning myself, not going gang-busters on food).  I am having treats, because, this IS Phase 4 (moderation), and, so far, besides stabilizing higher because (get this) I wasn't eating enough in P3 (YES, you gain when you don't eat enough), I have learned yet another lesson.  1) Don't do a planned break.  Yes, you've heard me ring that bell many times this round, because I learned the hard way.  2) Don't go gang-busters into P3 food the night BEFORE going into P3.  3) Track calories to make sure I'm eating enough.

So, all of you skinnies out there -- did you know that you can gain weight by not eating enough?   Be careful about that.  I tracked my calories today, and I've eaten 750.  I'm supposed to eat 2,200 by the end of the day for my weight, age, gender.  Um, better get cracking.  AND, not go above 100 (really 50) carbs.

Anyway, I've also made a pact with myself, my fellow HCGers (Abbie, Carrie and Amy) that I'm going to work out every day between now and Round 4.  I started that trend on Monday.  I rode my bike 3 miles last night (it was so nice to be back on my bike again, since the weather wasn't over 100, finally!).  Tonight, I'm taking it to Linda's and I will bike, with her family, around the neighborhood (which is about 2.5 miles).  I'm planning on biking (I guess I'm supposed to say, "cycling" -- sorry, Kate) most days, or walk (NOT my favorite exercise -- too slow) or swim laps (LOVE it, but the pool I love isn't right around the corner, so it's usually only a Saturday thing, if I'm lucky).  But, I'm exercising.  OH, and, two weeks ago, I actually jogged for a while, while I was walking my friend Kate's dog.  It was awesome.  I can't wait to run.  I haven't run since I was probably 12.

So, onto my progress.  I corrected yesterday, and biked -- er, uh, cycled -- and lost exactly 3 pounds over night.  So far today, I'm on the right track (that almost sounds like a pun, talking about exercise), so, perhaps tomorrow, the scale will go down again.  It's my plan to work hard at this these last few days in Round 3, and see if I can end up near my R3 LDW.  Even if I don't, I'll pass it by in about 2.5 weeks, which is a lovely thought.  I bought some capri jeans on clearance (HELLO, clearance!) in a size I haven't been in since 1994.  And, I'm almost in them now.  Hallelujah!  When I got home and put them on a hangar, I kept pulling at the waist, expecting it to get bigger.  And, it didn't.  And, it almost brought tears of joy to my eyes.

So, before I sign off, let me say again, "Happy birthday, Linda!"  And, God bless you all for your encouragement and prayers for me to continue running (cycling/swimming) the race!