Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Round 7 (R7), Phase 2 (P2) Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 10 of 34
I am hungry. I am also a little angry (at some incompetence at work). Therefore, I'm pretty certain I'm not really hungry. I'm just wanting to "jaz it up" today with a little popcorn or whatever. But, I really don't want to jaz it up. I want to keep losing weight. So, I press on.
Has it really been a month since I wrote last? Holy crickets, it has. I was flying into India a month ago today. And, I weighed right what I do right now. So, 9 days of P2 eating (plus a 4 day -- yes 4 day P1 load) and I'm right back where I started. Yep, I gained while I was there. But, I didn't gain as much as I had dreaded, AND, I lost it when I got home (almost). Then, a week later, when I loaded, I gained it back (big surprise!). So, I've gotten it off (almost, just a few ounces above). And now, I'm in the "dreaded" stand-still week. Week 2. I had the best Week 1 of P2 ever (14.2 off in a week), but now, for the last 3 days, I've stayed exactly the same. No problem. It's bound to happen. It's all about keeping a good attitude, and through the good attitude, prayer, and good choices, I'll make it the rest of the 24 days. It'll be over with in no time. And, right around the time I end R7P2, it will reach the one year mark on this new job. Which seems amazing and daunting at the same time. Have I really been here a year? Have I really been doing HCG for almost 1.5 years? Good grief! Shouldn't I be at my weight-loss goal? Shouldn't I be in a different (not dreaded) job yet?
Nope, I should be right where I am today.
But why?
Because God has allowed me to be here. There's a reason. There are many reasons. I won't go into all of them (many of you have heard them). But, as far as the weight loss, I am where I am (no, I am not Popeye), because I'm at a place where my body has stalled in the past. Besides inching a little below this at the end of a P2 cycle, I don't seem to be able to stick it in the decade below. Why? Because my body has stayed in this decade for months at a time. It's stayed in the lower decade for days (in the last 20 years). It's used to this decade.
That's why I have made this round a MAMMOTH round (34 days). I'm going to force my body into realizing that I mean business. I'm also going to do a LOOOOONG (the longest) P4 (eating in moderation after stabilizing in P3) I've ever done. I think it's 74 days. That means, I won't have travel, or a fast turn around into another P2 to distract me from the prize -- stabilizing. I'm going to ease into this like an old man into a hot bath. In other words, slowly.
But, before I can ease into the warm bath of P3, I have to make it through the mud and grime of P2. So, here I am, knee deep in it. If I can handle flying around the world by myself, and eating snake, duck tongue and piglet skin, and walking barefoot in a Hindu temple, and picking up a cockroach & throwing it out of the cab with my bare fingers, and being monitored (yes, I heard people in the duct work) in China, I can do this.
I'm about at the 1/2 way mark before I can bail (which, I'm not going to, Lord-willing). If you'll remember, the moment you start drops (P2 is the only time you take drops and eat only 500 calories of very specific food a day), you have to keep taking them for 21 days, or your body will gain back anything you've lost and then some. Don't ask me. It's a hormone thing. So, I have to go for another 11 days (unlike others, I don't count my loading days of P1 as part of my drop days ... I count 21 days of P2 eating as my P2 required 21 days) before I can officially "quit." But, I'm not a quitter. If I was, I'd be unemployed (I would have quit this job in a New York minute), 450 pounds, defaulting on my student loans and living in a cardboard box in some warm climate.
But, I'm in this to win this. I'm not bailing at 21 days. I don't care how angry I am at stalling (I believe I'm in a stall right now, but I'm not angry). I don't care how hungry my mind thinks it is (note, once you've been on HCG, it's easy to tell the difference between brain hunger and stomach hunger -- mine is almost always brain hunger). I really, REALLY don't care how bored I get with P2 food. I must press on.
Okay, so here comes the analogy part. (Readers, switch off paying attention now.)
We all know, I'm not a parent (I am, however, very apparent!). But, I equate P2 with the beginning part of parenthood. It's when you are the freshest, excited about what your life is becoming, eager to see the person you are getting ready to birth, and the biggest novice about where your life is headed. What will it feel like to live on 2 hours of sleep (500 calories of food a day)? Will you make good choices as a parent (dieter)? Will you want to give the child back (quit) after a few days? You read all of the books (check), get advice from people who have done it all before you (check) and plan until ... well, you have the baby (start the diet). But, until you dive in and get in the middle of the mess (poop and puke and pacifiers vs. chopping veggies and watching others eat your favorite foods), you don't really know how YOUR journey will be. And, with each child (like each Round), you find out something different. This child (Round) reacts this way. That child (Round) reacted that way. That's where I am. I'm on Round (child?) 7. :-) And, if I've learned anything, it's that all of the planning in the world is not enough. It helps, but you can't plan away change. It happens regardless of the best laid plans.
So, yes. I've shed some of the same weight again and again (this is the 3rd time with some of these pounds). But, at the top of the scale in this journey, I'd lost and regained the first 20-30 pounds probably 5 times (and that's a conservative guess). I'm at a point in my journey (just over 2/3 done with where I want to be) and at a weight that I have never gotten below (except for my the grace of God using HCG). It's going to take a while to teach my body that I am serious. And I am serious. I'm not going to let it go back up without fighting it back down. Just watch out, body. You're in for it. :-)
I know you scoffers are looking at me and thinking, "This is proof that it doesn't work." But, I'm here to say, all diets (including those you, my dear readers, have been on) fail if you take your eye off of the prize. I feel like a "winner" with this diet (even though I'm re-losing 20 pounds for the 3rd time) because I have NEVER stuck with any diet plan for longer than 6 months. THAT alone means it's working. I've also lost 85 pounds. At the worst, I've lost 70 pounds. That's still a small person. And, that's a person I'm hoping I'll never know again. In my heart, I've completely divorced that person. I've even dumped all of her old clothes. Try moving back into this body when you have nothing to wear, old self!
So, please keep checking back, from time to time, to see if I'm staying the course. I won't be blogging a lot (let's face it, what more do I have to say that I haven't already said about HCG). No matter what phase I'm in, I weigh in every day and record it in My Fitness Pal (which is what feeds that little ticker up there), even if I don't like what the scale shows. I want to be transparent, because I'm just competitive enough (with myself only -- I know I can do better) that I will keep fighting the good fight. You can check up on me and see if I'm slipping. And, if I am, you have my permission to check in on me and say something like, "I see you're becoming a big fat slob again ..." Wait. No, not that. How about, "I saw your ticker is moving to the left. Anything I can do to encourage you?" I'll probably make some snarky comment about myself being bad at this, but that's when I'll need you to remind me that it's about the journey, not the destination. Because, in the middle of the journey, all I can think about is the destination. And, sometimes, that makes navigation a bit of a chore.
