Round 7 (R7) Phase 4 (P4) Day (D) something of something
June 30, 2013
I have no idea what day I'm on in P4 (eat what you want), because, I have been eating what I want for WAY too long. The thought, here, is to eat what you want only on rare occasions. I've taken that and run with it. I've been going to a lot of baseball games for one of my nephews, spending a lot of time with them (filling in the gap that they have right now in their lives), I was on a business trip last week and will be again this week, and again and again in the coming months. In short, I've been eating crap (sorry, if that word offends you, but that's what it is) a lot. I've decided, business trip or not, I'm starting this again. I've erased ALL of R7 weight loss. Lovely.
But, instead of kicking myself, I'm going to say (to myself, and you since you are reading this), "PICK YOURSELF UP AND BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE TODAY." The thought of "beginning again" makes my stomach hurt. That feels like I'm starting all over. I'm not. I'm 70 pounds down. But, I'm not 90 pounds down.
True confession -- I've been eating fast food (my bane), because I'm exhausted. It's a crutch and I know it. I don't like what it makes me feel like, but I LOVE that I don't have to think. I can go on, "What sounds good." Then, once I devour it and feel like garbage, I think, "WHY?!" So, I'm giving myself this week (I load on July 4 - 6), and then, business trip or not, I'm taking my drops with me, and packing my food choices, and off I go. If I don't have to go back to Ohio (after this week) for several weeks, then PERFECT. I'll be home and doing what I should be doing. If I have to go, I will explain to those business associates with me that I'm really restricted on what I can eat, and I have packed my food. I'm going to eat what I bring. Caterpillar will get off pretty easy on the expense of sending me, let me tell you.
Here's the thing -- I've GOT to do this. I've said it before. You've seen me say it before. I'm not giving up. I'm not buying a whole new wardrobe. I'm not going to get used to seeing myself this way. NO WAY. I'm losing it (the weight, not my sanity). I feel completely sane in this choice. I'm not going to let myself get derailed BY MYSELF choosing to be lazy or wallow in exhaustion.
My plan is, make it through the Ohio trip (LONG story, which I won't / shouldn't-for-the-sake-of-the-company go into about why I'm going and on the hook to maybe go again and again in the next few months) this week. Then, I start Round 8 -- loading over the July 4 weekend, and starting P2 on Sunday, July 7. I have to get in my days of drops, and three days of P2 without drops, which will bring me into P3 on July 30. I will be in P3 (proteins only) for 3 weeks in August, 4 days (only) of P4, and I'm RIGHT back into Round 9 in late August (August 23 - 25 to be exact). I am going to power through it. That's all there is to it. I have GOT to get this weight back off, stabilize in P3, and then, basically skip P4 and get back into it to get past this plateau that I keep having. I think I'm really getting down to a weight that my body isn't used to, because it wants to bounce me right back to where I am today. NO THANK YOU. SO, my thought is, if I stabilize in P3, and skip P4 (which is totally legal in this program), and start losing again, I will get myself into numbers I've not seen in 18 years, AND past this mark on the scale that my body seems to want to stick at.
So, that's about it. Happy June. Here's to a thinner July (after a few days of getting squishier) and a MUCH more stable August.
