R4P2D3/33 -- Whew!

July 25, 2012

Round 4 (Yes!), Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 3 of 33

I made it into Round 4.  The transition was very smooth.  I only did 2 loading days, since, let's be honest, I've been eating some of what I wanted to eat, the last 2 - 3 weeks of Phase 4 (eat what you want in moderation).  So, here's how things panned out.

• Loading day 1 -- gained 0.7 pounds
• Loading day 2 -- gained 0.0 pounds

That makes every loading experience of mine a stand-still on the last day (whether it is 2 days of loading, or 3).  I never gain that last day.  And, I'll tell you what, I PACKED it in this time.  I was SO uncomfortable, I actually felt like making myself throw up (for about 1 second until I remembered how absolutely much I HATE vomiting). 

Regardless, I was 1,000,000 percent ready for P2 to start on Monday.  Which, it did.  My first 2 weigh-ins after eating all day at P2 food (Tuesday morning and this morning), I lost the following:

• Tuesday: 4.5 pounds
• Wednesday, 3.2 pounds

That's about the same as how I lost in the first two days of Round 3, so that seems great.  I will only mention that I am still making up ground from my "stress eating" (still a LOT LESS stress eating than I would have done if this was this time last year and I had this job), so I have exactly 9 pounds to go before I get back to my lowest weight (that I just barely touched on May 30) since August 27, 2001, and May 30, 2012.  I plan on (with the Lord's help) blowing by that number by (Lord willing) next week this time.  It could be sooner.  I want to be in new territory.

One of the funny things that I'll mention about HCG.  I've read it and said it before -- it removes abnormal fat (the only diet out there that does) so we don't look saggy.  Well, even though I gained (from my smallest in Round 3, on May 30, to my heaviest in Round 4 on the last loading day on July 22) a total of 16 pounds, I continually received (unsolicited, mind you) comments from people (some who see me a lot, some who don't) that I looked "great" or "thinner" -- even though I had gained a bit.  That was encouraging.  I knew, about 1/2 way through Round 3, that this would be an extraordinary Round for me.  I was plugging through, regardless of what the scale said, and not shoving major comfort (fatty, starchy, warm) food into my mouth at (and between) every meal.  In my life, that is a victory no less than that of Winston Churchill proportions.

That brings me to these quotes from him -- I may not have agreed with a lot of his life (he was a bit saucy), but I like these quotes (they are on magnets):

"Never, never, never give up."

And ...

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Perhaps its the suborn German in me that these quotes resonate with (yes, I just ended that sentence in a preposition -- get over it!).  Well, I'm not dramatic or ignorant enough about spiritual life to say I've actually been going through hell.  No.  My life is a cake walk compared with what I can imagine hell is like (and I know it's a million times worse than what my brain can fathom).  But, I am been going through the ringer (you know that, since you're reading these).  Well, I refuse to give up.  I refuse to let myself think (Satan whisper lies into my head) that this weight-loss is transitory, not permanent and that I'm kidding myself.  Fine.  So, I took almost 17-pounds of steps backwards.  By the time I started Round 4, I had taken 60-pounds of steps (and 9 months) of steps forward.  And, that's a direction I'm staying on.

So, here I am.  Round 4, Phase 2 (R4P2).  And, I like it.  Why?  Yes, I'm smelling foods I love and denying myself.  Yes, I can't "comfort" myself with food.  But, you know what?  It's structured.  I.love.structure.  I know exactly the things I can eat, the products I can use (only mineral oil and Johnson's baby lotion during this phase -- no animal fats).  And, I know, without a doubt, that I will be smaller tomorrow.  Even if the scale says 0.1 pounds down.  It's smaller.  And, I'm ready.  God is giving me the strength, whether I like the job or not.  Whether I like the food I'm eating or not.  Everything, everything good or bad, is just a season.  But, both are gifts.  I have tended to look at the good seasons as gifts up until now.  But, the hot/freezing cold seasons are too.  They draw me closer to God, to you, and to understanding that I am NOT the captain of this ship (my life and spirit).  God is.  Man, that is SO freeing.

This was from the book, "Jesus Calling" (by Sarah Young) today:

"I speak to you continually; through sights, sounds, thoughts, impressions, scriptures.  There is no limit to the variety of ways I can communicate with you.  Your part is to be attentive to My messages, in whatever form they come ... You can find Me, not only in beauty and bird calls, but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief.  I can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a pattern for good ... You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with your whole being."

After reading that, I looked up these scriptures that it referenced:

John 10:27
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Jeremiah 29:13:
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8:28:  
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

And you know what I did?  I thanked God for my job -- which I've done before.  But, this was the first time EVER (I think in my life?) that I thanked God for the pain.  I actually thanked Him for pain!  I've never done that before, because I've been afraid (AFRAID of God?!) that He would keep me in it.  Well, so what?  If He keeps me in painful situations, I trust Him.  Why?  Because He has proven Himself faithful over and over again in very painful situations in my life (even when I was 100% wrong and the pain was my doing -- which I know it's not this time).  He was still faithful to deliver me.  I am grateful for this pain, because it's drawing me closer to Him.    Without this pain, I would not be growing (as my body is shrinking -- don't think THAT is lost on me)!  Thank you, Lord!

I know some of you may think I'm a little manic today, or that I'm blathering.  It sure is a 180 degree change from my last post.  My desire in being transparent with you again today in this is that someone reading it, who is going through his or her own major struggles right now (or even just feeling the "blahs" of life) will realize that God's got your back.  You may not be able to see Him, but for those of us who love and trust Him -- regardless of the circumstance -- God will use every circumstance in our lives for good in the end (Romans 8:28 paraphrase, New Julia International Version).