R1P2D13/31 - Back off, Superstitions

October 29, 2011

Day 13/31

Normally, I would tell people that I'm not a superstitious person.  Normally.  But, I must tell you, today, as I was walking towards the scale, I actually felt afraid of what the scale would say for a couple of reasons.  1) I "only" lost 0.5 pounds yesterday (the last time that happened, I gained the next day!), 2) I wasn't feeling any thinner this morning (but, realistically, I'd have to lose 100 pounds over night for my brain to really register that I'm thinner) and 3) I am superstitious!  NO!!!!!  Yep.  I realized, in the back of my head, I was thinking that the weigh-in today would be bad because it's (you got it) Day 13.  Whatever, Julia.  I know better than that.  Believe me, you cannot be rolling your eyes any harder at me than I am.

Okay, that said, it's really not a person's quick impulses that define them.  It's what that person does with those impulses.  Give in or fight?  Push them from the mind or dwell?  What did I do?  I immediately prayed and thanked God for giving me the strength to stay pure and true to my word yesterday (I was at a birthday party with rice crispy treats, cheeseburgers on the grill, apple cider brats, baked beans, etc., being consumed all around me ... and they are major comfort food for me) and was happy about it.  I did what I was supposed to do, and I was true to my word to God that I'm going to stop letting food be an idol in my life.  I ate my yummy chicken, cut up tomato, melba toasts and a roasted apple (cored, remove a strip of skin from the middle and microwave on high for 5 minutes on an apple baker dish, then sprinkle plain cinnamon and stevia on it ... it tastes JUST like apple pie).  Who cares what the scale said today?  I did what I should. 

Maybe I should say that again ... WHO CARES WHAT THE SCALE SAID TODAY!  I have never, ever, in my life, said that or FELT that when I was on a diet, let alone one where I'm eating less than 500 calories a day (usually around 470 - 485).  What I love is that I knew, in my heart, that I did all I could (correct food choices, calories, water consumption, drops taken) that, come what may, my conscious is clear.  And, now I realize that this is something that had helped drag me down a bit (not that I'm a down person, but it did play a major factor in some nasty moodiness I could display from time to time).  I felt guilty.  Binge eating, hiding what fast food one really eats, etc., will do that to a person.  It's called sin.  And, I'm fighting this one meal at a time.  Sometimes, one moment at a time.

So, today, on this beautiful Saturday, I'm not giving into fear.  Last weekend, I stalled and then gained on Monday.  I had done a bunch of yardwork and thought I ate clean.  But, I didn't (as you will recall, I mixed veggies that is a no-no, and I didn't realize that).  But, this is a new day.  A new weekend!

Tonight, I'm going to a huge, 100 person+ cookout.  I'm bringing my apple to roast on a stick, a tomato (maybe I'll roast that too?), my water, melba toast and a bison burger.  That's right.  Bison.  It'll be my first red meat in almost 2 weeks.  It's approved on the plan, so we'll see what the scale says tomorrow.  If I don't hit the 20 pound off mark (which is 0.6 of a pound away), then I'll change the plan for Sunday.  I'll face Halloween when it comes (candy, chili and all) and tell myself that on December 12, when I enter into Phase 4 (eat normally), I can have chili if I want it.  Actually, I think I can have chili with sour cream and cheese (maybe just not the onions) -- my favorite way of eating it -- in Phase 3, which starts on November 21.  Good.  I can do that.

So, here's to almost hitting my previous WW starting weight, AND 20 pounds off, tomorrow or by Halloween.  That's my mini-milestone.  And, I'm sticking to it!