R2P4D40/41 -- Gearing up for a new Round (starting on Saturday)

April 4, 2012

Round 2 Phase 4 (moderatly eating what I want) Day 40 / 41

Before I talk about this food thing, I just have to be transparent with you.  I am consumed with this new job, and technically, I don't start until May 1.  They are PILING on the work, and I mean PILING.  I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do this workload in 10 hour (no lunch, no break, barely drink) days, let alone in 24 hours a day.  I cry (from being overwhelmed) at the drop of a hat now, it seems.  But, I'm talking about it and not shaming myself for being weak, because I know tears are God's way of helping people cope.  It's just weird, that I can go from "normal" happy me, to a freaked out, crying ball of emotions overnight.  I believe this is about 2 weeks of feeling more and more overwhelmed (each day, I think, it's gotta get better today), and nope.  It piles on more.  I think I've cried no less than 6 times today -- kind words from Mom, Gram, a coworker -- oh boy.  I guess I'm in trouble.  This job can't kill me (because God gave it to me), but it sure feels like it's sucking the life out of me.  Obviously, your prayers and encouragement and patience with me are MAJORLY coveted and appreciated by me.

I need to remember this:

Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.  Proverbs 3:25-26
Fortunately, my new boss is a wonderfully calm and forgiving person (we've worked together before) and my team (at least the 3 that I've met) who report to me seem to be kind and very capable.  My schedule is already packed (and I mean, wall-to-wall) every day.  Since Cat HR groups tend to be rather tempremental and a bit back-stabbing, I'm praying that I can get into and out of this job every day without anything sticking out of my back.  And with joy that normally is a major part of my life.  I must admit, I feel very little joy right now.  It's mostly fear. 

So, since I've worked insane hours, no lunch, no potty breaks for the last two-ish weeks, I'm taking a break right now.  Whether my work load says it or not.  I can't believe I'm writing that.  But, there it is.  Last weekend, I spent time with some of my beloved people and, yet, in the middle of doing something I love (playing games, watching movies, taking a hike, talking, even laughing -- my favorite), I would feel what felt like a literal kick in the stomach when something about work would pop into my brain.  "How AM I going to do this?" is the common thought.  I am not normally a distracted person from the blessings God has given me.  And yet, I'm fighting (and losing, right now) that battle. 

At least I don't feel like eating.  I couldn't even stomach breakfast, and here it is, 1 pm and I haven't eaten anything yet.  Boy, I should lose like gang-busters this upcoming Round.  Except you HAVE to eat your calories.  Gulp.  

Since I'm getting ready to start Round 3, my goal is to try to blog every day in P2.  It's so much more interesting to blog (and I hope to read) when I'm actually losing weight.  Stop back from time to time to see if I've started blogging more, now that I'm going back into P2.  If you aren't on the notification list (meaning, when I publish, you get an email) and you want to me, let me know!  It's so encouraging for me to read your encouragement in the doldrums of a stall (for example).

I start Round 3 on Saturday (loading Saturday and Sunday).  Sunday, as you know, is Easter, but it is also (you may not know), my Dad's 68th birthday.  Happy birthday, Dad!  So, I planned on loading that day, so I can start P2 on Monday, April 9, and go until Friday, May 4.  I want to be in P3 by my Gram's 98th birthday (which is May 8).  I might, thanks to the official start date of this job, move my end of P2 to April 30 (so when I start in Morton on May 1, officially, I won't be eating P2 foods, in case they "force" me to have lunch with them -- I won't have to explain myself).  But that would only give me 22 days in P2, instead of 25.  This is already going to be the shortest round I do, and I'd really, REALLY like to lose at least 20 pounds.  That'll be a stretch, if Round 2 was any indication.  I did R2 for 34 days and lost (as of today's stabilization weight) exactly 23 pounds.  So, maybe I should say, I'll be happy with 10 - 15 pounds.  That sounds SO tiny for an amount lost.  But, I've already got R4 planned (loading on July 21 - 22), and that round will be nice and long (40 days-ish). 

Anyway, the thing that I think is cool about all of this is, as I was planning this in September/early October last year, I had no idea when I planned this short Round, that I would be THIS stressed out as I embarked on it.  And, that's kind of cool.  I have 2 Rounds under my belt (which is MUCH smaller, thanks to hHCG, God, your prayers and supports and my efforts), so I feel like I don't have to spend as much time preparing.  Maybe that'll come back to bite me in the rear, though.  I DO plan on cooking all of my chicken and fish on Monday (I have taken that day off to prepare) for all of my meals this Round, and I haven't given much thought to loading food.  Remember last time when I had a list prepared?  Maybe I should revisit that.  I do know that I want movie theater popcorn.  And Kitchen Cooked Potato chips.  And, pie.  Yah, I think it's time to revisit the list.

Here are the Bible verses that have meant so much to me in times of trouble ... which means, now:

• I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
• … choose this day whom ye will serve … Joshua 24:15
• The righteous cry out & the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
  Psalm 34:17
• You enlarged my path under me so my feed did not slip. 
  Psalm 18:36
• Go in peace and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.1 Samuel 1:17
• … and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Psalm 51:12b
• The Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your guard.
  Isaiah 52:12
• Ask and it will be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock and the door shall be opened unto you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.Matthew 7:7-8
• If you have the faith of a mustard seed … nothing will be impossible for you.Matthew 17:20
  
• Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body …Luke 12:22


• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.John 14:27 
  
• … but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.John 16:33


• In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.Romans 8:37


• Let us not weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.Galatians 6:9