R2P4D30/41 - The only good thing about worry? I don't eat.

March 27, 2012

Round 2, Phase 4 (eating in moderation), Day 30

11 days left in Phase 4.  Am I ready for Round 3?  In theory, yes.  I'm ready to weigh less.  But, am I ready for all of the mental work it's going to take?  Um, I hope so.  But, that's stalling my brain ISN'T about food.  It's about work.  I cannot believe I'm at a place in my life where I worry about work.  Lovely.

I'm not sure what I'm ready for at this point because my mind is consumed with this new job.  I don't know why, but I'm actually afraid.  I'm not saying that in a little, "Oh, I hope I do well" way.  I mean, from the bottom of my stomach, fear.  So much so, that I wish I hadn't accepted this job.  It's already coming at me like Niagra Falls, and the job hasn't even started yet.

And that's irrational.

But, there it is.  It's what I'm feeling, and, pray as I might, it creeps back the next second, it seems.  I'm in a building (currently) for work that I never wanted to come to.  And, yet, I find myself walking down the hall thinking, "This is home."  WHAT?!  4.5 years ago when my job moved me here, I thought, "I'm staying there 2 years at the most."  Nope.  So, I guess my inner voice is rather a ninny.  So, I shouldn't listen to it now.

Okay, that's it.  I'm choking down my food (which isn't good, because if I don't eat enough calories, I'll gain).  I had a hardboiled egg and sugar free bacon for breakfast (my standard), and a few bites of chicken and some greek yogurt and fresh strawberries for lunch.  But, I was sick after about a 1/3 of it.  My stomach is doing cartwheels.

WHY am I fretting, when I know in my heart that God is in control.  I just don't know it in my stomach, I guess.  : )