R3P2D13/24 - Bronze gates & iron bars & name calling

Round 3, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 13/24

April 21, 2012

"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 

Wow.  That was an awesome reminder of God's character, activity and love for me that I "stumbled" upon this morning.  Breaking down gates of bronze ... pretty much need an army of tanks to do that.  Or God.  :-)

That's what my weight problem has felt like over the years.  Gates of bronze.  My addiction to food as a way to make me feel peace felt like a jail, like bars of iron.  Now, God is leveling the mountains.  This HCG thing isn't a fad or a fluke and I'm not cheating on weight loss by using hHCG in P2.  Those are all the "tapes" I play in my head.  Instead, I've changed my whole outlook on food ("I will give you hidden treasures") and now, I'm not turning to it for comfort.  I'm turning to God (and this past month of freaking out about work is case in point for that).  And, then, I'm turning to you.  Those are my riches "stored in secret."  MUCH better emotionally.  The Bible says we are His beloved.  I am beloved.  I like that He summons [me] by name much better than the names I call myself ("failure" or "inadequate" or "hopeless" or "stuck" or "trapped").

So, the weigh-in this morning.  I had my first non-loss in 13 days.  I gained 0.5 pounds.  NO prob.  I'm sure it's water weight (I drank that 120 ounce thing that I did in R2 when I lost less each day), because, I look thinner this morning.  I've lost 15.1 pounds in 13 days, which is over the 0.5-1.0 pound a day average weight loss in P2, so my body is needing time to catch up.  And, in case you didn't notice -- I'm NOT discouraged.  I've lost 66.1 pounds.  And, today, I celebrate!

“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” 2 Chronicles 20:15

That's a verse that my dear friend (who is closer than a sister) Linda wrote for me in 2003 when I was scared and discouraged about another job at Cat.  It was MUCH worse than what's happening now, because, while I had no doubt I could do the job, the leadership was gunning for me (exact opposite than what I happening now).  My boss, at the time, was good with me, but the head of the facility (TBU, for those of you who remember) was abusive (calling me all sorts of terrible things, which I won't repeat, when I would walk out of a room).  I was scared and doubting myself.  Linda made this reminder for me on a piece of paper, and I have always kept it as a reminder of what God saved me from (in 10 short months of "torture" on the job).  Well, now, I have needed it, because the battle that is waging is in ME.  It's ME thinking I can't do this weight-loss thing (nope, that battle, for now, is over -- I know I can do it because God is on my side), or that I can't do this new job because it's media relations and events and employee surveys (for 12,000 employees, thousands of whom are hourly, bargained, UAW workers) and possible divestitures, and supervising 4 people (one in Shanghai) and being responsible for hundreds of thousands of dollars in budgets ... all things that I have NO idea how to do.  But, I'm NOT going to be afraid.  I'm NOT going to be discouraged.  GOD is fighting that battle.  Remember that, Julia.  TATTOO is on my brain.  The battle is God's, not mine.

What's your battle today?  Are you battling weight?  Physical pain?  Sickness?  A spouse who is difficult to handle?  Divorce?  Death?  A wayward child you has turned away from you?  Job loss?  Infertility?  Heartache?  Financial ruin?

I will say it again ... I will yell it from the rooftop (well, my livingroom floor as I sit here typing on my Mac ... but I'm still yelling it!) ... DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED BECAUSE OF THIS VAST ARMY.  FOR THE BATTLE IS NOT YOURS, BUT GOD'S!

March forward, do the best you can, and extend Grace to yourself (and others).  I'm preaching that to me.  If God wants you to hear those words today, I'm praying that they resonate with you too.  May God bless you and keep you, today, my friend.