R3P2D9/24 - "Tudes" about Tickets

April 17, 2012

Round 3, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 9 of 24

I got a speeding ticket today.  On my way to work.  Early.  About 1.5 miles away from my house.  Almost 10 years to the day after my last one.  In almost the exact spot.  Going almost the exact speed.  The difference is, they lowered the speed limit (who knew?!).  It's rather funny, when I think about it.  Why?  Because I really don't care.  I am a self-admitted speeder.  So, I deserved this many times over.  Fine, so I was going 40 in a (what I thought was a 30).  So I wasn't intentionally speeding, because I was (shocker) praying about work.  But, all-in-all, I'm fine about it.  Why?  Because $120 (plus $50 for the class that will eventually take it off of my record) later, I know God is teaching me a big life lesson right now.

Want to know what it is?  (You're in luck if you answered yes, but if you answered no, today is not your lucky day.)

God is teaching me humility.  

Uh huh.

I am not the master of my own fate.  (News flash, neither are you, so we're in this together).

God is.

He's brought me to this place with my job where I need moment by moment prayer to make it.  Awesome.  He's brought me to a place where I can pay for a $150+ ticket without blinking (well, maybe a blink, but I don't have to go without food to pay for it).  Yes!  He's brought me to a place where I know that what is the natural part of me is addicted to food.  Perfect!

Why am I saying, "Awesome," and "Yes!" and "Perfect!" about hard life lessons?  Because I know He loves me, because He's making my life poured out wine from pressing my grapes of self.  I do not own the road.  I am not in the Daytona 500 every time I get behind the wheel.  I am not large and in charge at work, because I'm the newbie.  I'm having success in weight loss this time because GOD is giving me the strength to do it.

And, there it is -- I'm not "all that and a bag of chips."  I'm an overweight, freaking out, speeding down the road (not flipping people off, but still speeding), do-what-I-want-when-I-want person.  But, with these experiences that He's brought in my life, in the blink of an eye (lights flashing behind my car), I'm having to submit to authority that may or may not be right.  But, it's authority.  And, I submit.  Not because I'm awesome, but because He gave me the ability to do it.  And, that rocks.  Humility is actually freeing.  I don't need to be the end-all-be-all in my life.

So, as I move into tomorrow, after losing 0.8 pounds today (my total is 64.9 pounds down in exactly 6 months), I move forward with peace.  Yes, work is stinky and scary and unknown and so busy I can't see straight.  Yes, I started the day $150 in the hole because of an iron foot.  Yes, I "only" lost 0.9 pounds in 2 days.  But, I have a job.  I have a car that is safe (if I would just drive it that way).  And, I am losing weight.

And that's just plain awesome.  I'll take that atti"tude."

R3P2D7/25 - The winds of change

April 15, 2012

Round 3, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 7 of 25

Before I begin today, I have a new reader whom I'd like to welcome.  They have changed the format of this blog, so you'll have to scroll all the way down and click on the links under each month to really get to my beginning, explaining hHCG (homeopathic HCG) and the protocol.  I pretty much dive right in here.  But, welcome!  These are pretty out there and transparent, so strap in.  It's a bumpy ride!

Today marks one week of doing the VLCD.  I've really only had a handful of moments of feeling hungry.  It's more like "cravy."  I'll think of something I used to eat around that time (for example, a crumpet) and my head will think, "OOh, yum."  But, it's funny.  My stomach doesn't feel hungry.  Until it's time to eat.  Then, I'm hungry.  I eat my stuff, and I"m satisfied and I move on.  Go figure.  Thoughts of food (what I can and can't eat) don't consume me anymore.  That's really amazing, because, in the past, when I've been uber-stressed (like I'm fighting right now with work), I have actually fantasized about what naughty, comfort food I will get to consume at the next available opportunity and THAT brought me peace.  Now?  I think about God.  And HE brings me peace.  What a difference.  This time, I know that, while I might yank back that stress the second after I sincerly hand it over to Him, He'll still be right there to take it back when I get my head clear and remember, "Oh yah.  I gave this to Him.  Stop grabbing the wheel."  With food (or shopping ... my two vices of choice), I'd "numb my disquieted mind" with them, and then, after the numbness wore off (sometimes minutes later), I'd feel empty.  Not so now.  Way to go, God!

So, on to the scale this morning.  First, before weighing myself, I saw myself in the mirror and thought, "I look a bit different this morning."  Different = smaller.  The average bear might not notice it, but I do.  And, I'm not doubting it.  Because, on the scale, I lost 0.6 pounds.  Which brings me to a total of 13 pounds even (notice, it's PRIME, and a whole number ... ah, I love those!) in 7 days.  And, my total lost (since October 17, 2012 when I started this journey)?  64 pounds even.  Yep.  64.  I'm pretty sure I've lost a medium-ish child.  Maybe a 9 - 12 year old?   Remember that "What Have You Lost? Comparision" chart I published in November?  Well, according to that (which I stole shamelessly from an HCG forum on Facebook), in 2 pounds, I will have lost the average amount of fat consumed by an American in one year.  GROSS.

That's all for today.  I need to get ready for church.  I hope you attend one too, but most importantly, I hope that you talk to God.  You don't have to be in church to do that.  Open a Bible and see where God leads you.  Or, Google verses in the Bible.  If you're struggling fear, like I am about work, I suggest Googling "fear verses in the Bible."  Then, read the verses.  Then, talk to God about them.  If you're reading this, you HAVE to have a computer and internet (busted!).  It'll be worth your time.

R3P2D6 of 25 - This time, analyzing actually is encouraging!

April 14, 2012

Round 3, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 6 of 25

Okay, first, let me start off with what you all want to hear.  I feel a bit less freaked out about my job today.  I'm prepared (therefore, I won't be derailed) when that fear/panic comes back, but I believe that God is answering your prayers on my behalf by giving me strength and confidence in Him to see me through with your love and support.  Thank you.  Keep up the good work.  :-)

I prayed yesterday morning from the Selah song, "When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord."  I believe He answered that in spades yesterday.  It was all Him, for those of you who doubt.  Left to my own devices, I know I would have quit.  When I searched on FEAR in the Bible, there are SO many verses on not having to give into it and turning to God.  This verse really jumped out at me (and yes, I know it's taken out of context):

• "And now, my daughter, fear not; I will to do for you all that you ask, for you are a virtuous woman." Ruth 3:11

So, yah.  The 2nd part of the verse isn't me (but I'm trying!).  But, I love the first part.  VERY specific.  I'm not used to seeing verses on fear specifically addressed to a daughter.  Pretty cool that that verse jumped out of the page.  I know that wasn't a coincidence!

Second, the other thing you tune in for.  I lost 1.4 pounds overnight, bringing my total to 63.4 pounds.  No, that's not a typo.  I keep thinking it is!  I'm starting to get into the jaw dropping (for me) totals.  Every time I think of the amount I've lost, I actually laugh.  Can that be possible?  I've lost a, what ... 9 year old?  No wonder why I feel better physically. 

Perhaps you would like me to explain my rationale behind the rather random title up there?  This morning, after weighing myself (which I read wrong at first and thought my total off was 62.5 pounds off instead of 63.4!), I decided I'm compare my weight loss between the three Rounds.  You know ... where was I at the end of week 1 in Round 1 and Round 2?  Well, here are the stats:

• Round 1, Loading (2 Days) Gain:  3.2 pounds gained (my whole life was "loading")
• Round 2, Loading (3 Days) Gain:  3.5 pounds gained
• Round 3, Loading (3 Days) Gain:  2.1 pounds gained

• Round 1, Day 6 Weigh-in: 11.2 pounds lost
• Round 2, Day 6 Weigh-in: 10.0 pounds lost
• Round 3, Day 6 Weigh-in: 12.4 pounds lost

I'm simply amazed that I'm having my best Round (to date), and it's the 3rd Round!  I'm going to chalk that up to 1) God, 2) switching drops from the healingpowerwithin drops to Miracle Skinny Drops and, 3) my determination thanks to God giving it to me.  The ingredients in the drops are about the same, except the MSD has a slightly higher dose of hHCG.

Many hHCG experts say that Round 2 or 3 is the most difficult.  I'm going to say that Round 2 was for me.  I hope Round 3 keeps rocking, because I am in weight territory that I haven't seen since 2001.  It's a very big stretch goal for this, my shortest Round (of, at best, 25 Days), but I'd really like to "beat" my low that I hit in 2001 (it's amazing to me that it's only 13.2 pounds away!).  After that, I'll be like Lewis and Clark (maybe I should say Lewis OR Clark, since I'm losing an entire person here) discovering new weight-loss territory.

So, here are my goals for this Round:

• Get to 65 pounds off by 4/16/2012
• Get to 70 pounds off by 4/23/2012
• Get to 75 pounds off by 4/30/2012
• Beat my 2001 WW lowest weight (77 pounds off) by 5/4/2012 (end of R3P2)

As of Tuesday, I will have been at this for 6 months.   So, on average, that's about 10-12 pounds off a month.  I know I'm losing it fast in a short period of time, but I feel very confident (after watching person after person using this method and doing it myself 3 times) that I can keep my weight off.  The maintenance periods of P3 and P4 work.  Simply amazing.  I'm also STUNNED that it's about $60 a Round (about 3 months, since you only take drops between 21 - 40 days in P2 each time).  I don't know what other weight-loss "programs" cost, but I know Weight Watchers is between $13 a week.  A WEEK.  For, at best, 2 pounds a week?  Here is how that would break down (I think I'm doing this right:

• 24 weeks on hHCG cost/benefit: $180 / 65 pounds lost = $2.75 per pound lost
• 24 weeks on WW cost/benefit: $312 / 48 pounds lost = $6.50 per pound lost
• 65 weeks on hHCG (total needed): $420 / 140.5 pounds lost = $3.00 per pound lost
• 70 weeks on WW (total needed): $910 / 140.5 pounds lost = $6.47 per pound lost

So, WW would cost me over 2x as much, I wouldn't be eating real foods like I am now (lots of processed stuff), I know from my past and I wouldn't have stuck with it happily for this long.  Also, the analyzing I did up there actually is using the 2 pounds a week loss on WW.  I know, it really is more like 1 pound a week average.  So, that would really look like this:

• 65 weeks on hHCG (total needed): $420 / 140.5 pounds lost = $3.00 per pound lost
• 140 weeks on WW (total needed): $1,820 / 140.5 pounds lost = $13.00 per pound lost

Uh, hello?  That was a no brainer for me!  See, this analyzing (for me) has been very encouraging!  I'm looking forward to going to my 6 month doc appointment at the end of April.  I'll get blood work done again, to see what has changed in me.  Things improved between October when I started and December when I was solidly in R1P4.  So, let's see what'll happen when I'm just ending R3P2!

Okay.  So, I'm going to futurize a bit, so stap in.  This is a way away, but, with having to wait longer in P4 (eating what I want in moderation) each time between Rounds, by the time I hit my year anniversary of doing the hHCG diet, (October 17, 2012), I will be in P4 of Round 4, and have lost 100+ pounds.  I really believe that can be done.  My superstar hHCG friend Abbie is nearing her 1-year and 100 pounds off mark.  It CAN be done!  It seems surreal that I'm even seeing these numbers, and my body shrinking, but here it is.  It's true.  It's happening.  

I'm praying that, by the end of R4P2 (August 25), I will be able to comfortably bicycle and horseback ride again.  I haven't tried either in probably 15 years.  I also would LOVE to try running.  I know that'll be a big change, and I'd have to learn, but I really want to.  I'll be out there pretending I'm Eric Liddell (the Scottish Olympic runner and missionary to China depicted in Chariots of Fire).  From the first time I saw his story (when I was in 3rd grade), I wanted to run like that and marry a man just like him.  Okay, the second desire didn't happen, but I'm praying that God will let me at least run once in my life.  For those of you who have known me all my life, can you BELIEVE I'm seriously talking about (and planning) on RUNNING this year?  And, you can bet the song I'll have blasting through my iPod is ... wait for it ... Vangelis' Chariots of Fire theme song.  Uh huh.  I'll be pretending I'm running to Oxford, on the beach with all of those guys from 1919 as they train.

I think I'm going to stop talking now.  Is your head spinning yet?  Just for the record -- no, I haven't been smoking crack or taking happy pills.

Isaiah 41:13 - "Fear not, for I will help you."

R3P2D4/24 - Prayerful success

April 12, 2012

Round 3, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 4 of 24

I didn't cry at (or because of) work today.  I think that's the first day in over 3 weeks (not just work days, week days) that I have been able to hold it together.  I did get tears in my eyes during one meeting with a former coworker.  I've realized, it usually happens when someone tells me that I am or I'm going to do great and/or that God is on my side.  I immediately lose it.  But, that's okay, because that must be God's way of helping me grieve this HUGE change in my life.  And, get past the fear.  By facing it.  Yes, I know that probably seems strange.

Anyway, I didn't cry today.  I consider that a major success.  Especially since I was in meetings straight from 7:30 - 3:00 ... all different meetings, all telling me things that seem like Greek to me, that I have to do or that I'm responsible for (meaning, my team is, which means, the buck stops with me).  I held it together.  I ate lunch at 3:30 again today (just like yesterday).  I haven't eaten dinner yet (it's 7:45), but I plan on eating when I get off of here.

So, my weigh in today was 1.5 pounds down.  That brings my weight loss this round to a total of 10.2 pounds in 4 days.  That's the best first 4 days in all three Rounds.  That makes me happy, because I felt like I scratched and screamed for every ounce off in Round 2.

I'm positive that it will slow down soon.  I'm okay with whatever.  The great thing about being stressed ... I don't have enough mental energy to spend on fretting about other things.  Funny.  Of course, will my tune change when I stall or gain?  Yah, maybe.  Maybe not.  God is my Rock.  Whom shall I fear?  No one!  Whom can harm me?  No one!  I think I need to stop listening to what the enemy whispers to me.  "You are going to fail at this job."  "You aren't smart, so you won't be able to remember things like Such-and-Such-Ding-A-Ling-Dong did."  "You won't keep losing weight because you'll do something wrong."  "You're driving everyone nuts by being all me-me-me and asking for prayer."

The truth is, I have never, ever felt so surrounded by love and support.  Every one of you reading this me-me-me blog, has expressed unlimited support and love and have told me you are praying for me.  WOW.  What a complete blessing!  I wouldn't have experienced that without this trial.  The closest I have come to it was when I had uterine cancer -- so many people came out of the woodwork to express love for me.  Funny how I was filled with peace and hope then.  This feels like the exact opposite, but I know that's a lie because the outcome will be the same -- GOD WILL PROTECT ME.  I just have to remind myself of that minute by minute.  I think, at this time, I am my own worst enemy, because I keep believing the negative thoughts and fear.

So, the long and short (too late) of it is, please keep praying.  Thank you for loving me through this.  Thank you for praying and putting up with me. 

Oh, I just remembered this.  That meeting I had today with a former coworker?  She hasn't seen me since, maybe January.  At the end she said, rather sheepishly, "Have you lost some weight?"  I said, "Yep.  61.2 pounds."  She said, "I KNEW IT!"  Funny that people are sensitive in asking about weight-loss.  They don't want to offend me.  I think it's sweet.  It obviously doesn't offend me.  I know I don't look "great" -- but I do look different, and, different is better.  I actually ran into a friend of a friend 2 weeks ago, in a little tea shop.  When we rounded the corner and saw each other, we both jumped.  I said, "Hi!  I wasn't expecting to see anyone I knew!"  She said, "I absolutely did not recognize you!"  I guess I'm in a weight-loss (witness) relocation program.

I wonder if I could lose enough weight where I could go back to my old job and they wouldn't notice I was there?  (smirk)

R3P2D3/25 - I may be stressed, but I'm losing weight

April 11, 2012

Round 3, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 3 of 25

I've lost 8.7 pounds so far.  On Tuesday morning (my first weigh-in after Day 1 on Monday), I lost my best first day loss yet -- 5.4 pounds.  WOW.  I guess it paid that I was so stressed out with work that I couldn't eat dinner or drink my water.  Yesterday, I did eat my meals and still was only at about 54 ounces of water (compare that to the 120+ ounces I was drinking in R2P2), and this morning, I was down 3.3.  So, of the many good things that are coming out of me being so scared that I can't see straight sometimes, at least this program is still working.  I'm in a new decade (from where I ended in P2), and I'm 5.9 away from a decade that I've been out of since 2003 (at best).  I am looking forward to seeing that one again.

Let's see what tomorrow brings, both with weight and with work.  I don't like that I'm being this negative and whining all of the time.  But, I will tell you that I appreciate every single one of you who has offered me support and who is praying for me.  PLEASE don't stop.  I will need prayer every single day for peace and not giving into fear and strength for at least the next 3 months.  If not more.  Please, keep praying for me.  I wasn't even this scared when I had cancer and was facing surgery.  So, this is serious.  I don't know why, but it is.

The good thing is, my heart is broken.  Broken in a good way, because I know with every ounce of my being, that I need God.  I need Him to help me breathe sometimes.  Other times, it makes me cry when I hear a song (like "God is my Rock" by Glad -- "God is my rock.  Whom shall I fear?  No one.  No one can harm me.") it's because I know the truth of it.  I'm being brought low by (humbled at) what is before me.  I know I am not able to do anything on my own -- so any success I have, I know will be from the Lord.  Any failure, I know God will allow only to teach me.  Now, if my head and my heart would only remember that at the same time.

I should go.  I have a HUGE day tomorrow (not as big as Tuesday, when I worked 7:30 a.m. to 10 p.m., but still big as I'm running a very big meeting at 7:30 a.m.)  So, I better sign off.  But, before I do, let me say this ... thank you, dear friends, for your prayers and your encouragement.  I feel so selfish because I'm talking all about me.  Of course, this IS a blog about me.  : )  But, I wish I had a better way of telling you/showing you how much your love and support and prayers mean to me.  But, all I have are my words (and tears) right now.  Thank you.  Please keep praying that I will not give into a spirit of Fear.  "Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world."

R3P2D1/26 - The (Phase 1) Loading is Done ... whew!

April 9, 2012

Round 3, Phase 2 Very Low Calorie Day (VLCD) 1/26

Well, I finished loading, as of this morning.  I am up 2.5 from loading for 3 days.  That's less than the last 2 Rounds as I've loaded.  I feel like that's good (not gaining more than 3 pounds in 3 days of food fest), but maybe it'll hurt me in the long run.  I don't get the exact science behind eating food like this on a diet, but it works.  It's not that I wasn't eating like I should -- I ate each day at each meal until I felt that I couldn't any more.  That's what loading is all about.  I ate until I didn't want to eat whatever I was eating (sometimes, one bite was enough, sometimes a couple of helpings).  So, there it is.  2.5 pounds in 3 days.  In the past, I'd probably have gained that in one day!  On my first day of loading, I was still within Last Dosage Weight (LDW), but I was up a bit (about 1.2 pounds), so in all, I'm saying I gained 3.7 pounds. 

So, as of this morning, I am officially 51.0 pounds down from where I was on October 17, 2011, when I started this HCG journey.  That's an easy number for me to remember.  Now, I'm in P2.  It's nice to be back.  It's also nice to be doing my shortest round of P2 (26 days, instead of 31 and 35).  I want to be in P3 before my Gram's 98th birthday on May 8.  So, I'll start P3 on May 4 (Friday).  That way, I can get some of the see-saw out of the way before her big day.  In the first two Rounds, I used  healingpowerwithin drops.  This time, after a bunch of research, I switched to Miracle Skinny Drops, which has more stuff in them (vitamins, etc.), so I'm hoping to have.  I'm praying that will help me do well in R3.  If I can lose the 0.5-1.0 pound daily average, I could lose between 13 - 26 pounds this round.  Of course, you know which number I'm HOPING it will be.  If I lose 26 pounds, I will be lower than I've been since August 24, 2011.  Yes, ONE day, and I remember it well.  I got to the lowest weight I'd seen (and still have seen) in 6 years (at that time, now it's 16 years) and the next day, back up.  I was doing WW for the first time.  Anyway, if I can lose 26 pounds in this Round, I will beat that weight by 1 pound.  That's a MAJOR goal.  But, honestly, I'll be happy with 15 pounds off (that's move me out of this decade, and through another one).  

I better log off.  I'm using a vacation day today, so I can cook all of my chicken and fish for the 26 days (I want to be 100% prepared with food cooked, because I know work will exhaust me this time). I'm going to force myself to eat and drink what I'm supposed to, so I can lose, because I just don't want to eat.  I guess that's how this new job makes me feel -- like throwing up because of fear of failure.  You know the old sob story.

So, I'll leave you with this thought -- one of the points that my pastor preached about yesterday really reasonated with me (they all did, but point #1 was just what I personally needed to hear).  We were studying John 20:19-31.  

Ritch's first point was, "We receive a freedom from FEAR."  The disciples had just either watched, or fled from watching, the death of their closest friend on Earth.  Those that stayed (John), watched their best friend die an excruciatingly painful 6 hour death, only 2 days before.  They were huddled in an upper room, whispering about what to do next.  They were afraid of what would happen to them, what they should do next, and grieving the loss of Jesus.  They were probably even reeling from the pain of what Judas had done (betraying Jesus, then killing himself).  He had been their friend, too, for the last 3 years.  It was a whirlwind.  I'm sure many were feeling major guilt about fleeing and leaving Jesus in the hands of Rome.  

What happened next?  Jesus appeared to them.  That was shocking enough.  But, what did He say?  "Thanks a lot, guys, for sticking with me."  "You jerks could have raised an army.  Way to have my back."  "You are all going to hell because you left me."  Nope.  He said, "Peace be with you."  PEACE.  He had pity on them, because He knew their hearts were frightened and traumatized.  He wanted them to know everything was alright.  As Pastor Ritch said yesterday, "Our passionate shepherd knows His troubled sheep need to be calmed.  He knows that a troubled heart is serious business.  Condemnation is gone.  Many are the afflictions (sickness, failure, persecution) of man to man, but God will deliver us from all.  They killed Jesus' body, but only for a time.  What can man do to me with God on my side?"

"When we are afraid that God will condemn us for fearing (aka: not trusting), remember how He reacted to his disciples who had fled (or denied Him) after he was taken by the Romans to be crucified.  When He rose from the dead and appeared to them (freaking them out -- was He a ghost? were their eyes deceiving them?), His first concern was to comfort them.  Comfort.  I am clinging to that when the fear of the world (this new, seemingly impossible job) comes crashing in.  I pray, that whatever you are facing today, you remember Jesus' words ... "Peace be with you."  HE is that peace.

R2P4D40/41 -- Gearing up for a new Round (starting on Saturday)

April 4, 2012

Round 2 Phase 4 (moderatly eating what I want) Day 40 / 41

Before I talk about this food thing, I just have to be transparent with you.  I am consumed with this new job, and technically, I don't start until May 1.  They are PILING on the work, and I mean PILING.  I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do this workload in 10 hour (no lunch, no break, barely drink) days, let alone in 24 hours a day.  I cry (from being overwhelmed) at the drop of a hat now, it seems.  But, I'm talking about it and not shaming myself for being weak, because I know tears are God's way of helping people cope.  It's just weird, that I can go from "normal" happy me, to a freaked out, crying ball of emotions overnight.  I believe this is about 2 weeks of feeling more and more overwhelmed (each day, I think, it's gotta get better today), and nope.  It piles on more.  I think I've cried no less than 6 times today -- kind words from Mom, Gram, a coworker -- oh boy.  I guess I'm in trouble.  This job can't kill me (because God gave it to me), but it sure feels like it's sucking the life out of me.  Obviously, your prayers and encouragement and patience with me are MAJORLY coveted and appreciated by me.

I need to remember this:

Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.  Proverbs 3:25-26
Fortunately, my new boss is a wonderfully calm and forgiving person (we've worked together before) and my team (at least the 3 that I've met) who report to me seem to be kind and very capable.  My schedule is already packed (and I mean, wall-to-wall) every day.  Since Cat HR groups tend to be rather tempremental and a bit back-stabbing, I'm praying that I can get into and out of this job every day without anything sticking out of my back.  And with joy that normally is a major part of my life.  I must admit, I feel very little joy right now.  It's mostly fear. 

So, since I've worked insane hours, no lunch, no potty breaks for the last two-ish weeks, I'm taking a break right now.  Whether my work load says it or not.  I can't believe I'm writing that.  But, there it is.  Last weekend, I spent time with some of my beloved people and, yet, in the middle of doing something I love (playing games, watching movies, taking a hike, talking, even laughing -- my favorite), I would feel what felt like a literal kick in the stomach when something about work would pop into my brain.  "How AM I going to do this?" is the common thought.  I am not normally a distracted person from the blessings God has given me.  And yet, I'm fighting (and losing, right now) that battle. 

At least I don't feel like eating.  I couldn't even stomach breakfast, and here it is, 1 pm and I haven't eaten anything yet.  Boy, I should lose like gang-busters this upcoming Round.  Except you HAVE to eat your calories.  Gulp.  

Since I'm getting ready to start Round 3, my goal is to try to blog every day in P2.  It's so much more interesting to blog (and I hope to read) when I'm actually losing weight.  Stop back from time to time to see if I've started blogging more, now that I'm going back into P2.  If you aren't on the notification list (meaning, when I publish, you get an email) and you want to me, let me know!  It's so encouraging for me to read your encouragement in the doldrums of a stall (for example).

I start Round 3 on Saturday (loading Saturday and Sunday).  Sunday, as you know, is Easter, but it is also (you may not know), my Dad's 68th birthday.  Happy birthday, Dad!  So, I planned on loading that day, so I can start P2 on Monday, April 9, and go until Friday, May 4.  I want to be in P3 by my Gram's 98th birthday (which is May 8).  I might, thanks to the official start date of this job, move my end of P2 to April 30 (so when I start in Morton on May 1, officially, I won't be eating P2 foods, in case they "force" me to have lunch with them -- I won't have to explain myself).  But that would only give me 22 days in P2, instead of 25.  This is already going to be the shortest round I do, and I'd really, REALLY like to lose at least 20 pounds.  That'll be a stretch, if Round 2 was any indication.  I did R2 for 34 days and lost (as of today's stabilization weight) exactly 23 pounds.  So, maybe I should say, I'll be happy with 10 - 15 pounds.  That sounds SO tiny for an amount lost.  But, I've already got R4 planned (loading on July 21 - 22), and that round will be nice and long (40 days-ish). 

Anyway, the thing that I think is cool about all of this is, as I was planning this in September/early October last year, I had no idea when I planned this short Round, that I would be THIS stressed out as I embarked on it.  And, that's kind of cool.  I have 2 Rounds under my belt (which is MUCH smaller, thanks to hHCG, God, your prayers and supports and my efforts), so I feel like I don't have to spend as much time preparing.  Maybe that'll come back to bite me in the rear, though.  I DO plan on cooking all of my chicken and fish on Monday (I have taken that day off to prepare) for all of my meals this Round, and I haven't given much thought to loading food.  Remember last time when I had a list prepared?  Maybe I should revisit that.  I do know that I want movie theater popcorn.  And Kitchen Cooked Potato chips.  And, pie.  Yah, I think it's time to revisit the list.

Here are the Bible verses that have meant so much to me in times of trouble ... which means, now:

• I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
• … choose this day whom ye will serve … Joshua 24:15
• The righteous cry out & the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
  Psalm 34:17
• You enlarged my path under me so my feed did not slip. 
  Psalm 18:36
• Go in peace and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.1 Samuel 1:17
• … and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Psalm 51:12b
• The Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your guard.
  Isaiah 52:12
• Ask and it will be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock and the door shall be opened unto you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.Matthew 7:7-8
• If you have the faith of a mustard seed … nothing will be impossible for you.Matthew 17:20
  
• Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body …Luke 12:22


• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.John 14:27 
  
• … but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.John 16:33


• In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.Romans 8:37


• Let us not weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.Galatians 6:9