R3P4D9/29 -- True confession time

June 29, 2012

R(ound)3, P(hase) 4 (eat what I want in MODERATION!), D(ay) 9/29

Okay, it's true confession time.  I've been stinking up P3 and P4 this time.  Want to know why?  Because I have been eating junk in the last 9 days.  Yes, I went up in P3 because I didn't slowly reintroduce yummies (approved) like cheese and nuts.  I went gang-busters into it.  And, as I expected, I went up.  Then, I didn't correct like I should have, right away, because "I couldn't face that food."  Well, that meant, I stabilized higher.  And, I was okay with it (if I wasn't, I would have hunkered down and took that 4-6 pounds off).  Why?  Because mentally, I've been lazy, because of work stress, I don't want to have to "deal" with anything else (and, this weight loss is a struggle, even though I've had success with it).  So, I saunter into P4, and what do I do?  I eat pretzels.  And popcorn.  And pizza.  And a Monte Cristo sandwich from Bennigan's (I even pre-meditated that one).  And taco bell.  WHAT?  Yes.  I'm being transparent here.  I'm in trouble.

So, I need your help.  PLEASE pray for me.  After 8.5 months (and 67 - 76 pounds off), I thought I had "beaten" some of my old behavior.  This Round has taught me, "No, dear.  You haven't.  God has defeated it, and when you take your eyes off of Him, it raises its ugly head again and roars."  Yep.  ROARS.  That's what it's doing.  I WANT to eat junk right now.  Lord help me, I do.

I'm not kicking myself about it -- I'm just confessing it.  To you, and to God.

I spent the entire time I was in the shower this morning praying and confessing and specificially asking God for help.  That's when I realized, "I need to talk about it here, too."  Why?  Not to complain, or to beat myself up (like some cyber version of whipping myself for penetance).  But, to ask for prayer, and share, both the good, the bad (hello junk food) and the ugly (my inner struggle with slapping a food bandaid on a sore/worn-out spirit from work).  So, here I am ... popcorn stains still under my nails & pretzel sauce around my mouth (metaphorically, people ... I'm doing a correction day today, so I do have coffee breath, but that's about all), saying, "I need prayer that I can keep fighting the good fight."  WITH joy, not without.

And, I do feel joyful.  I have all of you in my life, and that's a MAJOR gift.  I have a job that pays me every month (while it sucks me dry -- wait -- stop that, Julia).  I have my health.  I'm 67 pounds down from 8.5 months ago.  It's Friday, I'm taking my lunch break to write instead of work like a drone (that's a nice perk).  I have the door shut to my office (SCORE!) and am listening to 80s music (right now, Journey's "Ask the Lonely" is playing ... flashback city!) and I'm unburdening my heart.  Or maybe my head.  My heart doesn't feel burdened about this, because I already unburdened that to the Lord.  And, I know He heard me and is enouraging me.  Because, He rocks.  Plain and simple.

And, since He's MY rock, I guess I'm going to rock too.  :-)  So, have a wonderful weekend.  I'm going to throw down the gauntlet of a challenge to you and me.  After you finish reading this, I dare you to sit back and write down every last (even little) thing that you can think of that you are grateful for.  Even your struggles.  Struggles?  Yes, struggles.  I dare you to think about what good has (or will) come out of them.  It might just be that it makes you humble.  Which is huge and wonderful.  But, I dare you to do it.  I'm going to do it and report back on the number of things I could think of in 10 minutes.  I'm going to try to get to 100.  I bet I can come up with more than that.  Can you?

R3P4D6/29 - Still plugging away!

June 26, 2012

Round 3, Phase 4 (eat what I want in moderation), Day 6/29

For those of you faithful readers (and you'd have to be this Round with my whining, sporadic blog entries!), this Round has been rather, um, different.  As you know, I'm not 100% sure what I should call my Last Dosage Weight (LDW) -- either May 1 or May 29 -- but I'm stabilizing at the May 1 LDW (which is about 5 pounds higher than my May 29 LDW).  So, if I look at the May 1 weight, I am within the 2 pound window (1.6 above my May 1 LDW), but, that means, I'm 7 pounds exactly above my May 1 LDW (which was right when I took my planned break).  SEVEN POUNDS?!  69.1 pounds off doesn't have nearly the nice ring as 76.1 pounds off.  But, oh well.

I'm still plugging along.  I took advantage of the nice weather last night and went for a walk with my friend Kate and her dog, Lucy.  It was a beautiful night, weather-wise.  The walk wasn't hard-core, but it was moving around, and that's always good.  I had protein and strawberries for dinner, and this morning, was down 1.8.  I'm planning on cycling tonight after work (before it hits 100 degrees on Wed/Thu) and eating proteins again.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll lose a little more and get closer to the LDW on May 29.  Either way, I'm starting up again (Round 4), with Phase 1 loading on July 21-22 (if I'm up this much, I'm only doing a 2 day load), and Phase 2 starting July 23.  I'm going "down" -- but where I start that downward spiral (and yes, I'm using that in a POSITIVE way, instead of the normal negative connotation) is still up in the air.

I have noticed something.  I'm not being hard on myself.  I'm still almost 70 pounds down.  I still get compliments from people about my weight loss (1 yesterday, 1 this morning).  So, I'm not going to sabotage myself.  Yes, I'm tired after work.  I get so distracted with work, that often, I forget to eat (I've had 1/2 a piece of bacon today, it's 12:35, and I'm not yet hungry -- but don't worry, I will eat when I hit PUBLISH).  Then, dinner, I feel ravenous -- and not tummy ravenous, but emotional ravenous.  So, I should say, it's a victory that I'm NOT up 20 pounds.  I'm not eating the way I used to.  But, I do have the occasional P4 foods (Oreo, or pizza).  But, I'm not getting fast food, or eating double or triple the amount of food.  So, that, my friends, is a victory.

See?  I'm smiling, even though I'm not perfect.  I'm far from it (as you all know very well).  But, it's okay -- I'm trying, and THAT'S a step in the right direction.  So, for those of you who I will be seeing soon -- I'm still praying you will see "less" of me.  Progress, not perfection.  That's a victory!

R3P3D21/21 -- BOY, this Phase 3 was difficult!

June 20, 2012

Round 3, Phase 3, Day 21 of 21

Wow.  This Round 3 has really taught me some lessons!  First, DON'T, if I can help it, have a planned break.  It's a LOT of work to get back into it (and it wreaks havoc on the mind eating carbs in the middle of P2), and, it makes stabilizing very difficult in P3.  That said, I have stabilized about 5 pounds ABOVE Last Dosage Weight from May 30.  But, I have stabilized a little under my LDW from May 1, right before I started the 10 day planned break.  SO, all of that work from May 12 - May 30?  I've basically erased that.  But, that's okay, because I will lose it again when I start Round 4 on July 23 (and I have at least 2 more Rounds to go).  And, I've learned that I don't do P3 (Proteins) well.  I eat too much cheese right out of the gate (instead of phasing it in) and it makes me gain.  In the past, I've corrected right away and it makes a difference.  This time, because of various "life" reasons (job, birthdays, fathers day, etc.), I didn't correct right away, and, low and behold, my body stabilized higher.  That's pretty standard.  And, yes, I did the "teenage" thing of thinking, "I know everyone with experience has had this happen, but IT won't happen to ME."  Yah, how's that working out for you, Julia?

Yes, I just talked in 3rd person.  

Yikes. 

Anyway, the thing that I don't like is, I've been 5 pounds less on the scale, only 21 days ago.  I want that poundage back in THIS Round.  I'm not killing myself or berating myself.  And, I am exercising a bunch (I bought a new bike!) and enjoying it.  But, I'm ready to move right back into P2.  Well, not ready enough to actually DO it.  But, I'm liking it.

So, while I haven't had a lot to say the last 3 weeks (yes, work is INSANE, but, thank the Lord, I'm surviving by the skin of my teeth), I am staying to course.  I'm working to wheedle off the weight (I had been up 8 pounds over LDW), or at the worst, not gaining any more.  So, we'll see.  That little ticker over there had gotten to 76.7 pounds off on May 31.  It's at 71 off today, and I'm praying it'll stay there, or move up.  But, the happy thought is, by early August, it'll be in the 80s off.  Woo hoo!  And, I am smaller.  And, I do feel better.  And, Lord willing, by my birthday in October, I'll be 90-ish pounds off.  Awesome.  So, 8 months of following HCG and 71 pounds later.  Here's to another 8 months and 70 pounds!

Oh, and here's my bike (sorry for the double posts for those of you who get these when I hit POST ... I realized after I hit it, that I forgot to include a pic of my bike):