Admit it, you thought I gave up, didn't you?

Round 12 (R12), Phase 2 (P2), Day 9 of 24

 

May 21, 2014

Why have I been silent on this site? There have been a couple of reasons, really. First, I didn't have much to say that you hadn't already heard me say about weight loss (still plugging away, on the same 25 pounds). Second, I honestly forgot about it. Yep. Literally forgot I had a blog. Third, when I would remember, "Oh, hey, I have a blog!" I would realize I didn't know how to log in anymore (google changed the log in address). So, today, I took the plunge, and an actual 30 minute lunch break (novel idea) and tried to navigate my way in. And, here I am.

 

Ta da!

I hope you aren't expecting much.  So, here's the scoop. I've been busy living. Just like you have been. And, some days (meals, moments), I've fought the good fight. Other times, I haven't. So, it's resulted in me losing and gaining and losing and gaining (etc., etc., etc.) the same 25 pounds. So, as of 10 days ago, when I started Round 12 (yep, that's not a typo), I had successfully kept off 60 pounds from my highest starting weight. But, then that pesky 25 pounds keeps falling off and leaping back on. That's the nice way of saying, "I give into sloth and gluttony" from time to time. And yet, I plug on.

 

One of the decisions I made early on was to dump all of the clothes that I shrank out of.  I'm SO glad I made that decision.  It has helped me keep going, when I gain some back, and start to feel like a sausage in my clothes.  I am absolutely NOT going to buy bigger clothes.  I have some smaller ones that I bought on MASSIVE sale, and I am going to shrink into those.  So, being cheap has its advantages in weight loss.  Who knew?

Okay, so almost a year has come and gone.  I think it's closer to 10 months.  So, what has this year brought? Well, it's brought lots of time with the kiddies and adults I love. With that comes less sleep, lots of time living from calendar event to calendar event, which, in my life, sometimes leads to poor food choices. But, that's MY problem. I wouldn't trade any of the time spent with people I love for those 25 pounds or 250 pounds.

What else has the year brought? For those of you who talk to me frequently, you know, my Gram turned 100 almost 2 weeks ago. I'm pretty proud of her. Isn't she cute?

 

I’ve gotten into a routine with Samuel and Benjamin that includes sleepovers and baths and clean clothes and daycare and daily schedules for summer care (and rides to and from said summer care) and dentist appointments and kindergarten registrations and Sunday School and mixing up meds at night that were meant for the morning.  Yes, I’ve done it all.  Almost.  I’ve got a lot of dirty stuff around and in my toilet, but my home is a happy haven for two little boys (and hopefully more) who need it.  And that makes me happy.

I guess that makes my Mary Poppins Halloween costume apropos (which is why I picked it – England lover and lover of kiddies).

Work has come and gone and come again.  Four reorganizations, two bosses, two Vice Presidents and seven people in and out of my team (with currently the oddest, and most difficult personality mix I’ve had yet).  And, I’m comfortable.  God has done a miracle in my life.  I am okay with not knowing the end result of … well, almost anything.  Almost.

I started Round 12 back to the old drops that I used in the first two (my most successful) Rounds.  I feel awesome (way better than with the “new” drops I used in the other Rounds.  No mental fatigue.  Yes, the food is boring on Day 9, but the weight loss isn’t (13.9 pounds).  I have 15 days left, and I’m excited to see where I end up, and how I will keep it off.  It’s basically going to be a moment by moment journey, for the rest of my life.  I have to remember that.  There’s no shame in saying it.  So, let me say it again.

I will struggle with food every moment of every day for the rest of my life.

And, I’m okay with that.

Why?

Because the alternative is to give up.  I’m NOT okay with that. 

I’m letting God do His work in me.  One of the hardest things for a human being (or at least, THIS human being) to do is to wait.  God knows that about me – I hate waiting.  I will act, buy, talk, drive, plan, eat, worry … just to avoid waiting.  Well, He’s been working in me – seriously a miracle in me – to be not just comfortable, but happy and at peace, in the chaos of no answers.  He gently nudged me to be okay with this, for example:

Yep, that was Mothers Day 2014.  And it was Chris’ idea.  Go ahead and rub your eyes.  You aren’t seeing things (in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “And that’s all I’ve got to say about that”).

So, He's working a miracle in me, inside and out.  I'm not giving up on me.  He sure won't, so if the Creator of the universe isn't giving up on me, what makes me think I have the right?  I’m still eager to see how God created me to look, once I lose all of the weight. We’ll see.  At least, I hope it’s better than this from when I started this journey 2.5 years ago: