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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

R4P2D9/33 - Who knew? I'm normal after all!

July 31, 2012

Round 4 (R4), Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 9 of 33

Well, I'm almost 1/3 of the way through R4P2.  Seems a bit surreal!  I'm 14.1 pounds down as of this morning.  I still have 2.7 pounds to get to my lowest since 2001.  But, I'm happy with my progress thus far, because, it's tracking with what I've done in the past.  It's important to me that it's tracking about the same, because it's easy to get woo-ed by the numbers and realize that, actually, I should be losing at a quicker pace.  One of my friends is doing this at the same time as me, and she and I are having virtually the same losses each day.  That's good -- that means, the slow down I've experienced the last 2 weigh-ins is exactly as it should be.  I lost a lot the first week (which, I affectionately call, "The Honeymoon" part of Phase 2 -- the first week where pounds drop off rapidly), and am starting to move into the "Seven Year Itch" part of Phase 2.  That's the part where I start thinking, "WHAT have I signed on for?  I'm sacrificing all of this for no loss, or a minor loss, or (GASP!) a slight gain?!"  Well, yes, that's normal.

So, as of this morning, I'm 74.1 pounds down.  I'm working hard to maintain that, and, Lord-willing, drop another 3 - 5 in the next week.  This is the slow period (the next 2 weeks), and then, by week 4, it starts to pick up again. 

The funny thing about the 7 Year Itch time is that it's the time when I notice the most difference in me physically.  Even though the weight isn't going gangbusters down on the scale, each Phase 2 (and this is my 4th), this is the time in the Phase when I start to FEEL a difference in my body.  I mean it -- FEEL.  My body feels smaller when I touch it randomly (knees, hips, chin, whatever).  And, it starts looking a bit smaller too.  It's the "INCHES" part of Dr. Simeon's Pounds & Inches (HCG protocol).  My body is catching up with losing 14 inches (roughly) in 7 days.

That's about all I have to say for today.  I guess I'll leave you with some pearls of wisdom.  "Here's mud in your eye."  "Don't take any wooden nickles."  "Keep a stiff upper lip."  "See you later, alligator."

Friday, July 27, 2012

R4P2D5/33 - 11.7 pounds down

July 27, 2012

R4P2D5 of 33

So far, Round 4 (R4) Phase 2 (P2) has been a success.  I've lost weight each day, which is a joy to see and feel.  I lost 4.5 on Tuesday morning, 3.2 on Wednesday morning, 2.8 yesterday morning, and 1.2 today (total of 11.7 pounds).  That's about right for losses in the first few days if you follow the protocol.  In fact, I'm just a smidge (0.7 of a pound) lower on Day 5 than I was in Day 5 of Round 3.  Cool!  I beat my record.  I love beating my own records.  May God continue to bless me with good losses and strength to power through this.

I think a very good thing about "struggling" through Round 3 (because of work stress) was that it makes this Round feel a little better.  I am able to remind myself that this round feels easier (I made my homemade mayo and horseradish, and chocolate delights this week, and I didn't even think about making them in Round 3, my brain was so fried with being freaked out about work).  And, I'm able to remind myself that I'm saying, "NO!" to foods now that I can (and will!) eat later, because this is the only Round where I lose weight -- and I've got some ground to make up (as of this morning, exactly 5 pounds).  I want to be in the 85 - 90 pound off mark by the end of Round 3.  That's a bold goal, but if I've learned anything, I need to give myself a bold goal,or I'll "phone it in" (sort of what I did in all of Round 3) and not make the most of it.

Here I am with my friend Linda last weekend (hi, Linda!) as I was loading at the British Tea Room in the area ... yes, we are wearing crowns:

Therefore, here I am, ready to face a weekend (WHEW!) of relaxing (Lord-willing).  And, ready to see the scale (dare I say it) go BELOW my Last Dosage Weight from May 30 ... I actually "only" have 4.4 pounds to get to that ... by next Monday's weigh in.  Then, it's new territory.  I fully plan on being Lewis (or Clark) in my weight loss in the coming weeks.  Charting new territory, fitting into clothes better -- or new ones -- seeing myself look different -- feeling less of me when I put my hands on my hips (Hallelujah!) ... oh, so many exciting things are coming.  I need to focus on those, instead of what I can't eat right now -- or what job I'm in that I'm hoping to be able to get out of in a year.

I'll leave you with one more picture -- of me and my new best friend:


She would tell me to have a stiff upper lip and get cracking on this weight loss and job thing.  So, here I go.  So, happy weekend! 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

R4P2D3/33 -- Whew!

July 25, 2012

Round 4 (Yes!), Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie) Day 3 of 33



I made it into Round 4.  The transition was very smooth.  I only did 2 loading days, since, let's be honest, I've been eating some of what I wanted to eat, the last 2 - 3 weeks of Phase 4 (eat what you want in moderation).  So, here's how things panned out.

  • Loading day 1 -- gained 0.7 pounds
  • Loading day 2 -- gained 0.0 pounds

That makes every loading experience of mine a stand-still on the last day (whether it is 2 days of loading, or 3).  I never gain that last day.  And, I'll tell you what, I PACKED it in this time.  I was SO uncomfortable, I actually felt like making myself throw up (for about 1 second until I remembered how absolutely much I HATE vomiting). 

Regardless, I was 1,000,000 percent ready for P2 to start on Monday.  Which, it did.  My first 2 weigh-ins after eating all day at P2 food (Tuesday morning and this morning), I lost the following:

  • Tuesday: 4.5 pounds
  • Wednesday, 3.2 pounds

That's about the same as how I lost in the first two days of Round 3, so that seems great.  I will only mention that I am still making up ground from my "stress eating" (still a LOT LESS stress eating than I would have done if this was this time last year and I had this job), so I have exactly 9 pounds to go before I get back to my lowest weight (that I just barely touched on May 30) since August 27, 2001, and May 30, 2012.  I plan on (with the Lord's help) blowing by that number by (Lord willing) next week this time.  It could be sooner.  I want to be in new territory.

One of the funny things that I'll mention about HCG.  I've read it and said it before -- it removes abnormal fat (the only diet out there that does) so we don't look saggy.  Well, even though I gained (from my smallest in Round 3, on May 30, to my heaviest in Round 4 on the last loading day on July 22) a total of 16 pounds, I continually received (unsolicited, mind you) comments from people (some who see me a lot, some who don't) that I looked "great" or "thinner" -- even though I had gained a bit.  That was encouraging.  I knew, about 1/2 way through Round 3, that this would be an extraordinary Round for me.  I was plugging through, regardless of what the scale said, and not shoving major comfort (fatty, starchy, warm) food into my mouth at (and between) every meal.  In my life, that is a victory no less than that of Winston Churchill proportions.

That brings me to these quotes from him -- I may not have agreed with a lot of his life (he was a bit saucy), but I like these quotes (they are on magnets):

"Never, never, never give up."

And ...

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Perhaps its the suborn German in me that these quotes resonate with (yes, I just ended that sentence in a preposition -- get over it!).  Well, I'm not dramatic or ignorant enough about spiritual life to say I've actually been going through hell.  No.  My life is a cake walk compared with what I can imagine hell is like (and I know it's a million times worse than what my brain can fathom).  But, I am been going through the ringer (you know that, since you're reading these).  Well, I refuse to give up.  I refuse to let myself think (Satan whisper lies into my head) that this weight-loss is transitory, not permanent and that I'm kidding myself.  Fine.  So, I took almost 17-pounds of steps backwards.  By the time I started Round 4, I had taken 60-pounds of steps (and 9 months) of steps forward.  And, that's a direction I'm staying on.

So, here I am.  Round 4, Phase 2 (R4P2).  And, I like it.  Why?  Yes, I'm smelling foods I love and denying myself.  Yes, I can't "comfort" myself with food.  But, you know what?  It's structured.  I.love.structure.  I know exactly the things I can eat, the products I can use (only mineral oil and Johnson's baby lotion during this phase -- no animal fats).  And, I know, without a doubt, that I will be smaller tomorrow.  Even if the scale says 0.1 pounds down.  It's smaller.  And, I'm ready.  God is giving me the strength, whether I like the job or not.  Whether I like the food I'm eating or not.  Everything, everything good or bad, is just a season.  But, both are gifts.  I have tended to look at the good seasons as gifts up until now.  But, the hot/freezing cold seasons are too.  They draw me closer to God, to you, and to understanding that I am NOT the captain of this ship (my life and spirit).  God is.  Man, that is SO freeing.

This was from the book, "Jesus Calling" (by Sarah Young) today:

"I speak to you continually; through sights, sounds, thoughts, impressions, scriptures.  There is no limit to the variety of ways I can communicate with you.  Your part is to be attentive to My messages, in whatever form they come ... You can find Me, not only in beauty and bird calls, but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief.  I can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a pattern for good ... You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with your whole being."

After reading that, I looked up these scriptures that it referenced:

John 10:27
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Jeremiah 29:13:
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8:28:  
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

And you know what I did?  I thanked God for my job -- which I've done before.  But, this was the first time EVER (I think in my life?) that I thanked God for the pain.  I actually thanked Him for pain!  I've never done that before, because I've been afraid (AFRAID of God?!) that He would keep me in it.  Well, so what?  If He keeps me in painful situations, I trust Him.  Why?  Because He has proven Himself faithful over and over again in very painful situations in my life (even when I was 100% wrong and the pain was my doing -- which I know it's not this time).  He was still faithful to deliver me.  I am grateful for this pain, because it's drawing me closer to Him.    Without this pain, I would not be growing (as my body is shrinking -- don't think THAT is lost on me)!  Thank you, Lord!

I know some of you may think I'm a little manic today, or that I'm blathering.  It sure is a 180 degree change from my last post.  My desire in being transparent with you again today in this is that someone reading it, who is going through his or her own major struggles right now (or even just feeling the "blahs" of life) will realize that God's got your back.  You may not be able to see Him, but for those of us who love and trust Him -- regardless of the circumstance -- God will use every circumstance in our lives for good in the end (Romans 8:28 paraphrase, New Julia International Version).

Thursday, July 19, 2012

R3P4D29/30 - Just call me Eyeore (while I get over myself)

July 19, 2012

Round 3 (R3), Phase 4 (P4 = eat what I want in moderation), Day 29 (D29)/30

One day in Round 3 remains.  I'm ready for Round 4 and losing weight again.  I pretty much always feel this way (and yes, you've read it and heard it from me before) -- these 4 Phases are like seasons -- I'm always ready for them when they begin, and ready for the next one by the time they wind up.  So, giddy up, I think it's time for Spring (monsoon rains of food) for 2 days (I'm "only" loading for 2 days instead of 3 this time, because the past 30 days, I've indulged, as my 10 pounds up shows).  Then, starting Monday, it's blazing hot Summer (as it is right now).  It'll feel good to begin with, but, then, the (food) draught will happen.  And, I'll plug away.  I'm ready. 

Of course, ready is a rather subjective word.  I'm ready to lose more weight.  I'm ready to reclaim that number on the scale that was 10 pounds less than where I am today.  But, am I ready for the emotional fortitude I must have to be successful?  Well, the plain answer is: no.  I'm not emotionally ready -- because, I'm still flipping out about my job.  It's not like I have road rage (I didn't say flipping OFF), or that I'm yelling at people, beating small animals or cutting myself up.  Not THAT kind of flipping out.  Just the inner stomach in knots, fight-or-flight feeling all of the time -- begging God to give me the strength to see me through another MINUTE of this job.  The kind of flipping out where I cry a lot (quite often, kind words from people bring HUGE tears the next second), I want to eat comfort food or spend money ($50 here, $200 there) on comforts like movies, books ... all unnecessary things to living life.

Lord help me.

So, here I go (am I nuts?) with another Round.  My work stress level had ebbed (even though I didn't like much of any of my job duties and would dread work, I still could suck it up and do it well -- internal gray cloud and all).  Then, last Wednesday through last Sunday, that panic of, "I hate this job" (I won't go into why) and "I am doing this job well, but it's killing me on the inside" and "I feel like a square peg getting jammed into a round hole" and "I feel like a bug getting ready to be squished or a dog waiting for a beating" every time I look in my email (which is about 200 times a day -- no joke -- every day) or check my email.  This job is a flood gate.  And, I am like one of the people watching Noah float by on the boat laden with animals.

See, I'm Eyeore.

My positivity is taking a HUGE nose dive, and I feel like a whiner.

So, am I really ready for Round 4?  Lord willing, yes.

I feel like Round 3 was almost wasted (not really), because I gained back almost 10 pounds of my 23 lost because I started turning to food for comfort.  BAD news.  For that, I need prayer.  Doesn't it seem to you like I'm Eyeore and asking for prayer CONSTANTLY since I accepted this job.  Sign number 4,379 that this isn't the right job for me.  But, at this time, it is.  However long that time lasts (Dear Lord, please don't let it be long).  I don't like being a sucker of pity and never giving back to those I love (you peeps).  But, alas, here I am, Eyeoring it up.

What's time?  It's a healer and a killer and subjective and very real.  For example, tomorrow marks the 3 year anniversary of when I found out I had uterine cancer.  Can that really be 3 years?  It feels like 30 years and 30 minutes at the same time.  I guess that's comforting -- time is relative.  So, I've been on this job (that I do not enjoy -- 100% of the job duties are like needles poking me) for 3 months ... it seems like forever and barely any time.  Well, so do a lot of things.  So, get over myself.  So I'll be spending 33 days (starting Monday) eating my Very Low Calorie food.  So, get over myself.  So I spent the last 3 months feeling (at best) blah.  So, get over myself.

The only way I know how to do that, and to change my name from Eyeore back to Tigger is to pray -- moment by moment -- when I feel that work (and the "prison sentence" of 2 - 3 years+ on this job) is devouring me.  This isn't a quick fix.

Tomorrow, I meet with my boss at 12 (for those of you who had heard 9 a.m., she asked me to move if to make way for another meeting) to talk about my mid-year review.  I'm not nervous about what she'll say.  In fact, I'm almost hoping she says this isn't a good job fit for me, so I don't have to do it.  (Doesn't this sound like I'm breaking up with this job?!)  But, I think she'll say I'm doing well (I have the data to prove all I've done) and might have some things I can work on (all bosses do that).  But, what I'm praying I can do is be honest (without being as stream-of-conscious as I am out here) and that she will have a receptive heart to what I am saying.  Lord help me, He knows why He put me here.  I know there are many reasons.  I just can't see the forest through the trees (as my Gram says).  I am praying that, tomorrow, I can see even a tiny corner of that 7 Acre Wood (Pooh Bear, Eyeore reference) so I can become Tigger again.  I like being bouncy and happy on the inside AND outside (instead of fighting so hard during the day to make my outside bouncy when I feel like Eyeore on the inside).

Anyone have a prozac dart that you're willing to spare?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

R3P4D20/29 -- The countdown to Round 4 starts now ...

July 10, 2012

Round 3, Phase 4 (eating what I want in moderation) Day 20/29

Happy birthday to my dear friend, Linda!


I need a new picture of her (and her daughter, Elizabeth).  This is an old one, from May 2010!

Well, it's almost time to start my Round 4, Phase 2 (Very Low Calorie Day) engines.  I start back into P2 on Monday, July 23.  I'll load on Saturday, July 21, and Sunday, July 22.  I can't say I'm all that thrilled about loading, since I'm up (as of today) 7.3 pounds above this Round's P2 Last Dosage Weight (LDW).  But, again, I'm not discouraged.  I'm doing the "right" things (not condemning myself, not going gang-busters on food).  I am having treats, because, this IS Phase 4 (moderation), and, so far, besides stabilizing higher because (get this) I wasn't eating enough in P3 (YES, you gain when you don't eat enough), I have learned yet another lesson.  1) Don't do a planned break.  Yes, you've heard me ring that bell many times this round, because I learned the hard way.  2) Don't go gang-busters into P3 food the night BEFORE going into P3.  3) Track calories to make sure I'm eating enough.

So, all of you skinnies out there -- did you know that you can gain weight by not eating enough?   Be careful about that.  I tracked my calories today, and I've eaten 750.  I'm supposed to eat 2,200 by the end of the day for my weight, age, gender.  Um, better get cracking.  AND, not go above 100 (really 50) carbs.

Anyway, I've also made a pact with myself, my fellow HCGers (Abbie, Carrie and Amy) that I'm going to work out every day between now and Round 4.  I started that trend on Monday.  I rode my bike 3 miles last night (it was so nice to be back on my bike again, since the weather wasn't over 100, finally!).  Tonight, I'm taking it to Linda's and I will bike, with her family, around the neighborhood (which is about 2.5 miles).  I'm planning on biking (I guess I'm supposed to say, "cycling" -- sorry, Kate) most days, or walk (NOT my favorite exercise -- too slow) or swim laps (LOVE it, but the pool I love isn't right around the corner, so it's usually only a Saturday thing, if I'm lucky).  But, I'm exercising.  OH, and, two weeks ago, I actually jogged for a while, while I was walking my friend Kate's dog.  It was awesome.  I can't wait to run.  I haven't run since I was probably 12.

So, onto my progress.  I corrected yesterday, and biked -- er, uh, cycled -- and lost exactly 3 pounds over night.  So far today, I'm on the right track (that almost sounds like a pun, talking about exercise), so, perhaps tomorrow, the scale will go down again.  It's my plan to work hard at this these last few days in Round 3, and see if I can end up near my R3 LDW.  Even if I don't, I'll pass it by in about 2.5 weeks, which is a lovely thought.  I bought some capri jeans on clearance (HELLO, clearance!) in a size I haven't been in since 1994.  And, I'm almost in them now.  Hallelujah!  When I got home and put them on a hangar, I kept pulling at the waist, expecting it to get bigger.  And, it didn't.  And, it almost brought tears of joy to my eyes.

So, before I sign off, let me say again, "Happy birthday, Linda!"  And, God bless you all for your encouragement and prayers for me to continue running (cycling/swimming) the race!